I Don't Know What I Want

I want a lot
No, I want it all 
To adventure and fly 
When I've barely crawled 

I want to do it all in a day
 End to end, full to fuller yet
Because time is a one way stream
A moving, constant, losing bet

 I want to make a life
Inheritance will not suffice
I want to fill and turn it up
Make alchemy of fate's device

I want to be more
Be greater than what I was
To be an inspiration
A life-changing force

I want to be a son
A loyal friend for life
I want to be a good companion
I want you to be my wife

I want to be the story
And move the writer's hands
To know the skies, the oceans
And to trawl the lands

I am told I cannot but choose
Though I refuse my mortality
I resist the crushing incomplete
Story they call reality

So they pushed me around
And told my dreams to stop
Piled on the growing up
Crowded me out with props

I got lost, I tried
The light blocked, blotted out
My mind acquired the habit
Of some permanent pensive pout

Still a hungry heart
Is not easy to play for a fool
A restless force of nature
A curious meandering tool

Now I still want a lot
Though I know not precisely what
 I lie awake at night, just knowing
The importance of making a start

I want to make you something
Though I know not what I want
You see, art is a strange language
That speaks to me, much like chance

I'll start with lines and strokes
Then fill the shades and tones
With paint and some imagination
Until it feels like home

I don't know what I want
But I know I want a lot
And a lot of it comes from you
Because you're all that I've got

Perfect

I don't believe in perfect Not since we've been let down But I don't waste time on regret Or solving problems wiht a frown I could never find a perfect day Though some have come real close Much more often and magical Are perfect moments in a little dose I know we can't be perfect Though everyone hopes to find That somewhere someone holds the key To free them from their confines I know that I'm not perfect And that I can only try my best With hope and maybe a little luck I'll play my part and passt the tests I don't believe in fairy tales Or all stories that I've been told They're only as good as their merchants If you can't tell glitter from gold But I'll believe your stories The scars and memories you bear They speak to me through your actions And the ways you show you care I have yet to believe in one God Though I respect all that is divine Accept what I cannot yet understand About hold rituals and signs While I wait for One who is perfect To touch and guide my heart I leep hope and love as my languages As I live out fully my own part I don't know what makes perfect I guess I can't make up my mind Each moment that seems just right Is a moment past, left behind But I have an idea, just a little Of what's felt perfect, nearly so It's all got something to do with you An how you've changed my world

Meditate

The transient space
Between a want and need

Where weary hearts can rest
Find joy, comfort and peace
Looking inward

Eyes but half-opened

Patiently wait for answers
A truth that is not golden

Come, sit and breathe

If just for a little while
Begin to be comfortable

And calm your inner child
Take breaths and listen

Take time to learn patience

See and know that a mind's key
Lies in the heart's brilliance
Perhaps speak little prayers

Or receive the gifts of sone
To tune our inner ears to
The voice there all along

It never once yelled out
Or felt silenced by hate
Only patiently repeating

What we needed to hear instead
"Be true, be honest
 To no one before yourself

Live fully, don't worry for love
A heart's riches will always come around
Be brave, but know fear

Be strong enough to run
While hope is not a method
Believe always that it shall be done."

Heart

Love
An ancient art
Is to eventually know
The ways of the heart

To give love
To play our part
Is to begin to speak
The language of the heart

To receive love
Is easy to start
But grows ever complex
With the shadows of our past
 
To deny love
Is the easiest start
To a cruel cold end
The breaking of another heart

To be without love
Is to be forced apart
Away from a soul's fountain
A dried hopeless crust

To truly love
Is to pay a price for art
To have failed, hurt and fallen
To brave a bleeding heart

To see beyond our odds
When the clouds are hard to part
Hold out, trust and slowly learn
The art of another heart

Break (Incomplete)

My heart is a flutter
My thoughts are a mess
I'm right now fighting
This urge to confess

This urge to lay bare
This need to break down
To fall apart slowly
To float back to the ground

Snap to what's happening
The blurred fantasies
Work like a nervous drugs
Piped in with reality

Dose upon dose
Can't stay the days
Cracked and bent whole
In a hundred ways

Shake and Shudder
There, it's all better
Just some memories
Of a passing thunder

Beware (Incomplete)

Beware the animals
They are not like we imagined
They do not feel for reason
And they seek to feed their needs

Beware the voices
They may come in the night
They may come against your will
On your fears they will feed

Beware the people
They may not be your friends
While they may not yet be enemies
What is not broken can still bend

Beware of yourself
You may soon surprise yourself
Blind to what we not know
Yet so trusting of what little we do

Beware of me
I am in your head
If you let me, I will
Be in your heart
And on your tongue instead

Proud (Incomplete)

Perhaps we once were angels
Born of gifted mind and wings
Perhaps somewhere along the line
We understood why mortals sinned

Perhaps we also understood love
As guardians at her kingdom doors
But once too many times we've let
Trespassers bend her laws

Perhaps we are heroes instead
At our courts and castles we reside
Waiting on our fairy tales
Our swords and words ready by our sides

Perhaps we are skilled ministers
Our words are promises that bind
But perhaps we have spent too much time
Between the necessary truth and lies

Little Big Things

Ever felt empty
Spaces beckoning
Little things

Little big things
Begin to appear
To fill the spaces

Slowly everywhere
You breathe
Is full of beautiful

Little things
Little big things
That have come with you

And I can't feel
Don't need to remember
Where we began

When I stopped
And you became
My little big thing

Granted

Unhappy
Unnecessarily
I have left
Myself hungry again

Put out
Put up
Yet still always
Falling short

Given
Taken
Assumed to always
Rise and shine again

Too much
Too little
I felt my heart
Bend but not break

For and against
Similarities
Are never the same
The next day

Alone now
Aware now
I play the music
And start over again

Nocturne

The sun may have set
And given way to your glow
But my hands they still see
Well between our distance

The pleasts of your skirt
Whispers of your scarf
Waging war upon my darkness
With your unintended beauty

The patch on your sleeve
Left stitches on my heart
Those subtle leather trimmings
Feel like adventure to my touch

The lines on and of your face
Soothe my dull aching hands
A river of chills thrill so quietly
Tracing, teasing quietly

The crook of your smile
Twist and tug my strings
Pulsing through our hands, closed
Their secrets and stories, too much

Torrent

For the first time in years
I want to write
Not in parts
Not in bits
Not in rhymes
But in lines

I started out on something
That just wouldn't stop
The words just keep coming
Stirring
Torrential emotions
Boiling

How do I start
Could I make it stop
Apprehensive on the first key
My fingers have betrayed me
Quivering
Afraid
Consumed by these feelings

Will they make sense
Would they just be pretend
A show, a silly side game
Upon my heart, my dirty name
Threatening
Deliciously insane

To say that I can't help it
Is true and untrue
To start is uncertain bloom
But to stop is to choke, doomed
Pretending
That I wasn't alreay shaking

Skipping Beats

Smitten
A kitten
Not a good boy
But a heart turned

Touched
Sparked
Not a mark
But a sigh melted

Dreaming
Smiling
Not yet awake
But slowly gasping

Feel these
Beats missed
Not yet ready
But already resisting

Taken
Shaken
Not a kiss
But never forgotten

A touch
So much
Stories and secrets
Erupt in our clutch

Hands

My hands on heart
Promises made
A prized restraint
Forgeit wishes, hopes paid

Your hands on heart
Eyes opened, bright
Careful lips curved
Whispers, a dream already in flight

My hands, your heart
Reluctant, a quiet fear
The shaky ghost of doubt
As your magic becomes clear

Your hands on my heart
Warm against the scars
Claim over untold secrets
Quiet panic black on scarlet stars

Better Than Sorry

From the sky
Why can't these drops
Replace my tears

Closed my eyes
How could he still
See through my fears

Cross the line
Why won't he just
Take it all from me

Instead of smile
His devilish way
To say he's sorry

Can't he tell
That I can't ever
Bring myself
To wish away
These dreams?

So if I could go
On that last drive
Out of my head

Wishing he'd save me
That the show would stop
And turn the page

I'm going
I'm going out
To let go of this story

My empty hands
Your empty smile
Is all better than sorry

Words

Words
How they tickle
And how they hurt

Your words
So right and logical
Can also be so curt

Words
Make a people family
Or separate them from us

A sound
From lips carelessly
Could empty vaults of trust

Words
What they mask
Or show, too easily betray

A truth
Inconvenient, tired
Yet determined to stay

Your words
They came so quickly
Fired from paternity

Closed
Quietly the doors
That we reopen eventually

Promise

All I wanted was love
More than what I was
Rationed to receive

I tried listening and looking
Everywhere that seemed likely
It felt as if I was deceived

And so I promised to love myself
So I would never fall short
And always ready to receive

Alas I still felt lonely
Though laughed and learned
How to survive and deceive

I promised I would start again
And make it on my own
And one day people would see

And that day did come soon
Often they would see and smile
As long as it was what they wanted to believe

Mother's Tears

Have you ever
Thought you were clever
Thought you were smart
That your decision was art

Have you ever
Held back your anger
Held in your breath
Still thinking you were the best

Have you ever
Wanted to live forever
But planned and made
Your own funeral instead

Well I certainly had
When things got mad
And the gaps and wounds
Stretched further than words

I had not, surely
Felt more unworthy
When my mother's tears told
Me how I ruined her world

Worry

There's no need to worry
About how to build this house
I'm sure it'll all come together
When the time comes around

And don't you worry about stories
To fill these empty shelves
Just trust me with your hands
And we'll figure it all out

We'll walk through cold September
Make memories to keep us warm
We'll smile at damp November
We'll sing our way through the storms

Don't frown a brow
Don't crook a smile
Don't worry if we'll make it in time
I know we're on our way some how
Because I love you better now

As the days seed their regrets
Our wrinkles start to show
The trees shed their secrets
In our field of red and gold

Winds and rains touched our senses
And dripped into our hearts
Sometimes we pick up the pieces
While taking turns to fall apart

Now we sit through the cold December
No longer afraid of the storms
Our promises to always remember
To dream our way to the warmth

We've done out time
Put up a fight
Hearts raised up high and dropped back down
I don't keep score but I think we won
I think we love a little better now

Don't frown a brow
Don't crook a smile
Don't worry about when we'll be fine
I know we're on our way some how
Because I'm already know heaven now

Sincerity

Wreckage of a fickle mind
Dreams of day and night
Drunk between two poisons
Lost in the left and right

Placid lake of a subtle heart
Still as a held breath
Watching, always whispering
Ready ears shall know its depth

Born to bear both arts and scars
To wield and suffer reality
Like chambers of a human heart
Separated faces of integrity

Trust this profound simple truth
Try to understand the gravity
The pull of love and grace are but
Just death, with a little sincerity

Ambers

Looking up at the sunset
Smeared across the canyon sky
I know I'll never see the sun
To hear it sigh goodbye

The night yawns lazily across
The hills, the trees, into my eyes
I confront my demons by firelight
At least, I will surely try

Lit on both ends like a twig
Trying, dying to be free
I feel the warmth kiss my skin
But my lonely fingers still freeze

Uninvited but not yet allowed
I sit like embers in the dark
Waiting for your kiss of life
To fill this pit with sparks

No other whisper shall ever do
No other hands have know enough
I sit like embers in the dark
Hoping my fire would be enough

Sitting Here

As I sit here, waiting
Like thousands before me
Some have moved on past
While others stopped to sit

Not stopping, nor rushing
We try to breathe and listen
To the histories around us
And their haunting wisdom

Yes, like thousands before
We too come here to sit
Will we learn to listen
Or take a chance with defeat

For Love Will Not Love You Back

Do it big and bold
Or do it small
Start down the path
Or not at all

Blame it all on love
Say it was beyond control
Accept no blame whatsoever
Watch the drama unfold

Then do something unexpected
Do it in the name of love
In the vain hope that romance
Was truly sent from above

Just remember these words
Just stop there in your steps
You can do what you want
But love won't love you back

Not in the way you hoped
Not like your glittery dreams
Love will make you a proud king
Or break you at a whim

So do it in the name of love
Do it however way you feel
When you play the games of love
It's hard to tell what's real

Steady your impatient hands
And clear your noise heart
These beats that keep you up at night
Is but scripted theater art

We're all just actors on love's stage
Playing out all our parts
While imitating life and art
Lost and loosing from the start

Soundtrack Of My Sunday

Today's winding roads
May take you places
You didn't want to go

Tomorrow we're on our own
Can't remember faces and
Things that I should know

But in the blink of the eyes
And a flutter of the lips
Before I could stop
The chill from your finger tips

Not that I would back out
Or ever back down
I just don't want to miss out

Hand On Heart

Calloused
Yet still feeling
Stiffened
Though still bending

Bruised
But not yet broken
Coarse
Though not abrasive

Tough
You can still cut me
Strong enough
Only to shape my destiny

Lonely
Though never seen alone
Opened wide
Know that it's never empty

If I held it out
Would you take it?
Not my hands
But my heart, gently

Mongolian Sunrise

For you:

Bright as a flame
A passionate wave
Warm as the sun
To chase the nights away

On rope, on sight
On the skin of our souls
Your hands are passports
To dreams not yet told

The red on your crown
They hint of a legacy
One that only you can write
In the language of love and glory


Happy Birthday!

What Remains

This is what remains
After the day is done
This is what's left of me
What the night finally comes

Frayed wits
A tarnished crown
A Frizzled mane
That's hard to tame

The smell of day
Spiked in dust
A heart's hinges
Hampered by rust

Still onwards step
Hands, knees and feet
Eyes cast forth, stern
To hope's beat we keep

One

Each heart bears a beat
From the moment of creation
To the inevitable retreat
Each beat is a step, a vision

Have you ever felt your heart
Become full, restless and alive
You were sure you could fly
You'd give anything a try

Have you ever felt that same heart
Grow desperate, quiet and old
Dark beyond the coming night
Wishing somehow, that you could be bold

Some days our hearts do falter
Though they try to keep the peace
The flutter of little wonders
Help the wounds feel more at ease

Oh for hours days and weeks we go
Buzzing like there's nothing wrong
Looking but not seeing this
A hint we've avoided all along

Our hearts have always been one
And two does not make it more
There were no halves to speak of
And love never kept any scores

When the world and words are done
And we return to ourselves again
It's how close we have come back to one
And helped others to become the same

One is not a lonely or special number
We all have one heart and one soul
We start from one and have to lose
Just so that we can become whole

So touch your heart gently today
And understand that from creation
To our eventual retirement
The truthful beat has been constant

Feel and remember that each heart
Has once been full, ready and alive
From one we've come, and to return
Each beat is a hope, a ticket to life

Never

Someone oh so long ago
Wrote a note that told me to
Never give up on your dreams
Never stop trying to be

And so I spent my years
Mainly sleeping just to dream
And learning to be someone else
I wasn't too good, it seemed

As I blundered on in life
I found another note that told me
Never stop your searching
Always use your heart to see

And so I spent my years
Just looking for the signs
That would never come
And found that love was really blind

Stumbled, falling, crawling
Through this life again
I found another voice telling me
Something about never again

Before the words could finish
I swore I'd never make it anyway
And stood up, turned about to go
Arms reached out and asked me to stay

For every Never the voice said
I found a reason for my escape
Back and forth we tossed this blade
Until we both were running red

That's when I turned around to see
Who I was hurting and refusing
Then I saw that it was me
But older wiser, with poorer vision

I stopped my youthful resistance
Felt the tears about to flow
But instead all I managed to say
Was a weak, "Don't let me go"

This old man right in front of me
Just asked for two more minutes
Of our time, both his and mine
To share a heart and what was in it

Never stop your dreaming
Because I couldn't stop remembering
How it was to be like you
So much to fight, so promising

Never stop your searching
Because the answers will never come
They'll run and hide away from you
Until your lessons are done

Never stop your believing
Because love is a fickle mistress
She will test and tease and promise you
She is not easily impressed

Never stop settle, or give in
To lesser or to easy things
Why be a poor old man like me
Than live like you, a future king

Never, never forget about me
Though you might regret this encounter
Grow old with me and treat me good
For I will one day be in your mirror

And so I spent my life
Still stumbling through life
But quite clear now what I must do
In sun or rain, in love or strife

To never stop, and never give in
To fight, to hope and to believe
But most of all, I remember him
That old man and his precious gift

Time

Give time and take time
Her sands, drops and ways
We cannot keep or hold
Only to share these given days

In time we have found happiness
With time we learn to be sad
Yet in time, we are already forgiven
Brothers, sisters; love that was shared

It's the little things, like sand
That pass our hands in vain
Some grains shall stay in our palms
In time, never to be the same again

Give time and take time
As we go along our ways
Try to keep and hold on to each memory
As you share it with each given day

Used To Be

Used to be
That ice-cream
Was made and sent
From the skies above

Used to be
That some coins
Were all you needed
To get some of that love

Used to be
That coffee was fresh
Was unpretentiously black
And could only be brewed

Used to be
That this goodness
Came only in china cups
Not from machines or uniformed crew

Used to be
That nobody could
Truly judge books
By their worn simple covers

Used to be
That authors
Did not just create stories
But created worlds and lives asunder

Used to be
That music was a gift
Choosing only a few
To inspire and move all others

Used to be
That ears could listen
To the daily music everywhere
And marvel at their wonder

Used to be
That these feet
Would walk, run freely
When we said, "come over"

Used to be
That these hearts
Were always open
To talk and sing with others

Used to be
That Love was simple
A secret language
Known only be lovers

Used to be
That I sleep easy
Through the night
To awake, rise and start over

Used to be
That I could wake
Beside you, thinking
There's no need to start over

Used to be
That happiness
Was what it seemed
Was whenever you looked closer

Used to be
Oh it used to be
All quite good
Until I started growing older

Used to be
We were used to it
But it's time now
To once again learn to start over

Night

The night
She is my friend
Here with me
Always waiting, patient

The night
She is my lover
Holding me
Always intimate, touching

The night
She is a temptress
With her dreams
Always so real, teasing

The night
She is your shadow
Separated by light
But always true, following

This night
She is a messenger
A whisper from you
Always pleasant, indulgent

Alas, this darkness
She cannot be you
Though she never pretended
To be less lovely, or beautiful

This night
She holds my heart
Incomplete
Like a shadow without the light

When You Know

When you know
That books are best
Read by an open fire

When you know
That stories are best
Told from the heart

When you know
The best part about
Wine is the company

When you know
That nothing is sweeter
Than unfulfilled desire

When you know
That souls are brightest
When they struggle

That light is right
Only when it is dark
And you are needing

When you know
That beauty grows
Only when it is not hidden

Because no flowers
Could ever bloom
In the shade of possession

Then you'll know
Maybe just begin
To start to fall in love

Storm

The storm that was us
The words that we used
In rain we shed our anger
In the dark, our hearts confused

Standing, against the noise
Burdened by these dreams
We move closer to the edge
Our love tearing at the seams

Was I blind to your trouble
Did I find it hard to resist
The heartaches, pain and breaks
I took as evidence that love exists

In sheets, this thundering rain
The rising smell of bittersweet
Our fingers laced and tore apart
Again and again, love and defeat

This chaotic constellation
Our battered souls and hearts
Wrapped and rolled in madness
Nothing like how it was at the start

How is it only now that we remember
All the things we could not see
When in the storm we were not us
But now, apart, we can finally be?

It's the storming that we remember
But all the little things we miss
Now apart and away on our islands
We regret and hang on to these

When shall the heavens show again
When comes the sun to stop the rain
Apart, between the hands and the heart
We stand, like weary night watchmen

When Love Has Forgottened About You

You see someone
You'd love to hold
You see a heart
You'd love to know

But you see someone
Already in that place
You see someone
Loving that face

When you feel
Like there's no plan
And love has forgotten
Left you where you stand

Don't walk away
Don't walk away
Not yet
Don't walk away

I've been afraid
To tell you
That when you see someone
I only see you

I've been wrong
About losing you
When holding back
We would never know

So when you feel
Like there's no plan
And love has forgotten
Left you where you stand

Just turn around
Right where you've sighed
Just take my hand
We could yet make this right

Don't walk away
Don't walk away
Not yet
Don't walk away

Memory

I heard your name today
They asked how you were doing
But I could hardly even hear them
Over the sound of my heart thumping

All at once the memories
They came rushing back
How we used to laugh, used to run
Our hand in hand

I quickly searched my face
For a good excuse to answer
Said that you were doing great
But inside I knew I was a liar

How could you be great
After where we have been
Tearing down dark alleys
Lost and lonely now we stand

And so I turned to go
Like how you say I do
Hiding the pain in my eyes
So they won't know the truth

I know that I don't have
Much more to hold on
I would tell them all about
How we went wrong

As I step outside
Into the cold damp air
My hands still shaking
While my eyes just stared

I feel you
With every breath I take
The living rock in my heart
Our memories, oh they ache

All we wanted
Was for this to work
But what we got
Was love and hurt

And the memories
And the memories

Nothing

When I stand here with you
When we're here close together
I remember all the words
And how we used to whisper

Oh those days and nights
We swore would never end
But now on the sidewalk
It's the hurt that I can't pretend


I still feel a shiver in my hand
When you hold me near
With my fingers in your hair
It brings me close to tears

How did we ever
End up so far apart
Throwing in the towel
Before the time was up

You say that you'll wait
For me to come around
And that you've made up your mind
Never to let me down

Oh, if you could only
Read my heart right now
I loved you but this love has
Left me with nothing (nothing)


We stumbled through
Almost three years we've taken
From a twist and fearful start
To the fireworks we were making

All along those streets
And dreams that we have shared
Hiding all the tears and words
That make us now despair


How could I shake this shiver
When you hold me near
The thought that we're all over
Brings me close to tears

How did we ever
End up so far apart
Throwing in the towel
Before the time was up

You say that you'll wait
For me to come around
And that you've made up your mind
Never to let me down

Oh, if you could only
Read my heart right now
I loved you but this love has
Left me with nothing


Oh, nothing. Nothing.

The Hardest Part

Perhaps the hardest part
Of living
Is the fear
Of losing it all

Perhaps the hardest part
Of losing
Is the anguish
Of picking up pieces

Perhaps the hardest part
Of picking up
Is the aching
Reflected in every wound

Then yet comes healing
Oh, so slowly
Is the tingling
An impatience or infection

Yet the harder part
Of healing
Is the wait
Before moving on

Perhaps the hardest part
Of it all
Is the choice
To always live, love and forgive

Cropped Stopped

Clipped wings
Though for a day
For any bird
Would seem a lifetime

Cropped short
My mane is no longer
My crown
Lynched and shamed

Burned black
My eyes hot with anger
The reins
Have been lashed again

Nameless
This cause we're sold
An idea
Noble, until it unfolds

Fruitless
The stubborn sparks of hope
Ignite again
Against stoned jaded souls

Disappointed
In the rewards for the just
Frustrated
By systemic pessimistic rust

I concede
That I may heed your orders once
My loyalty
Will not be easily earned

Not until
There is more than just a promise
At last
We speak not only to your shadow

Things I Learnt From My Father

He showed me what it was
To finally learn forgiveness
A 28 year lesson
I finally did learn

Now I have the grace
To watch his face
Forget how we had once
Fallen far from grace

Scribed on sand
The lines will wash away

One day it'll come by time
And turn to stand there
On the edge of hope
And the unknown

I'll remember all the
Lessons from my father
And teach my son
To write it on

Tell your kids the stories
That your father told you
Pay it forward
Like an idea when it's due

Teach them how to dance
And find their voice
Teach them how
To make a choice

Never be afraid to say
No, or I was wrong

One day it'll come by time
And turn to stand there
On the edge of hope
And the unknown

I'll remember all the
Lessons from my father
And help my son
To write his song

Earned

Of a heart, though alive
One half alone is cold
The other is to be earned
Said Love, from which I stole

There can be some forgiveness
Your half is yours to keep
This other you must earn
From the lessons that you weep

I'm sorry, my dear
These steps I take now
There's been just too much pain
I've lost it all some how

I believe you love me very much
Maybe in time I'll really know
But when words and actions live divorced
Our love child lay abandoned so

A fresh start is not possible
It scares me when you ask
I remember all our fresh starts before
And how we have taken them to task

How we tore down what we built
How we burned each other with guilt
Angry words and actions spite the soil
That made our love seed wilt

A fight against a gust of wind
An argument with echoes
In back and forth we push and pull
To overcome these woes

Alas you cannot change the tide
Nor stop the sun or rain
I've lost my will to fight
To war against your lovely pain

So I give up, give in
I made my choice to surrender
I confess my crimes to love
And await the lonely hammer

Love

When the Gods
Speak of Love
They speak of life
And her truth and magic

When a couple
Speaks of Love
They share in life
And shape themselves by it

When a woman
Speaks of Love
She looks on life
With heart and hope romantic

When I, a man
Think of Love
I remember You
Life's beautiful creature

Your playful eyes
Lips of subtle poetry
Your loving heart
How they quietly inspire

Alas, these thoughts
Memories and dreams
They haunt this quiet
These spaces in between

Until Love's coming
When you again shall light
This soul and leave no mark
But a lingering kiss within

Away

Run away
Into the skies
Let it fly away
Beyond these lies

Let the bitter talk
The idle walks
Just go
Alone

If the black
Is what they try
To spread
To our bones

Then it's anger
Only anger
They will
Know

We'll be running
We'll be flying
Our hands
Held close

So baby let them go
When the day
It hasn't kissed
You dear

They'll never know
That I'm right here
Waiting, ready for
You dear

When it's been tough
Oh hell, we know
We can't always
Share it

The look in your eyes
You're strong and
You try to
Hide it

You won't have to say
A word, no you don't
Need to say
It hurts

Just raise your glass
Up to your spirit
To your lips with
Love's words

And I will know, oh
Yes, we both know
At a touch
We must

Run away
Into our eyes
Let it fall away
From us tonight

For One More Time

She lies awake
Toss and turning in the dark
Wondering why things
Got to be so hard

(He's always so far)
Why is it that we got time for fighting
But never got time for loving
They only seem to talk
When tears are bursting out


He picks up the phone
For the 7th time tonight
He' trying his best
With these struggles in his life

(But he don't know how)
How to make it right and stop all the fights
Pick the pieces up and make it through the night
He's trying his best
But man, these times are hard


We could never stop this
Drifting on between the lines
When nothing works out right
Seems like we're always out of time

Smiling on through the tears
Holding out against the fears
All you got is hinged on a feeling
That one day, the sun's going to shine


Now it's my turn to lie awake
In the dead of night
The sound of heartbreak
Echoes through my mind

(I don't know how)
How to build this bridge across this ocean
Reaching out inspite of the hurt and frustration
Dusting myself off
Crawling back for one more time


We could never stop this
Drifting on between the lines
When nothing works out right
Seems like we're always out of time

Smiling on through the tears
Holding out against the fears
All you got is hinged on a feeling
That one day, the sun's going to shine


Oh, don't forsake our hearts
Yeah, they're making us crazy
Love and pain always hazy

Oh, hold on to our hearts
Yeah, we'll find our way baby
Love is more than a maybe

Go

From the beginning
This will be a fight
A slow personal struggle
To get everything right

At the beginning
Before our blood rose
With deliberate harness
Our will upon our toes

Let go, no weights
Shall slow us down
Let go, no fear
Shall matter now

Our fingers like soldiers
Rythmic and hard
March on each step
To the beat of our hearts

These arms shall muster
The serpents of fate
Whose colours follow close
Our fall their await

Let go, feel the beat
As we coil to strike
Let go, it is time
Our heart raised in flight

Honestly

Have you had ever had
A feeling so deep
Your soul could cry
Even if asleep

I tingle with this feeling
Each time I pass that way
Each time I pass that hill
Since we met that day

I took a turn again today
The second time around
A way I didn't need
As if I heard a sound

A whisper, perhaps
A tug at my soul
From the void of memory
And into my world

Honestly, I miss you
But I am now afraid
While you are there
I stay put and wait

Not for a call
But for a sign
A quiet stuboorn hope
That I am still alive

What we would have given
For love and its consequence
What we'd never know
Of life and its coincidence

When the next step up
Speaks of duty and faith
When the next step beyond
Is closer to the edge

The edge of me
The edge of imagination
To grab you by the dreams
Into a new religion

This step that we could make
Our dig at ever after
Too soon? Too long?
I'm afraid of what's after

I took that turn today
Perhaps I will again one day
And I will still hear that sound
Of a heart that cannot be bound

Enough

When today was not enough
When love leaves you wanting
When you find it tough
And your heart feels fast sinking

Wise you already shall be
Should you consider slowly
With calm heart and hands
To part the fog firmly

Our souls have much strength
Our hearts much forgiveness
If we should still be kind
When today was not enough

Complete

Let passion burn you
And dreams bear truth
May love be in your favour
And kindness keep you

Perhaps most of all
I hold with faith still
That love shall seek you out
And she shall complete you

All this I can do without
More than I forgave
No more shall I want
Not my soul to save

But for you, love
For you it shall be
That roses were for you
And the thorns, for me

Hands of Time (1)

At the turn of a sigh
A life will be taken
With no gun and no knife
But small decisions

These are the things we feared
They would happen
These were the things we swore
We'd never be

Given the gradual
Touch by the hands of time
Before it's time to leave
We eventually see

In the view of what's right
Action must be taken
We punch and we fight
Till we hear our truth spoken

In defence of our fears
In revenge for our tears

These are the things we said
That would happen
These were the things we swore
We'd never be

Given the gradual
Turn by the hands of time
When it's time to leave
We hope we will see

The verge of madness draws nearer
The light and dark as one

We mend our ways with fervour
In hope we're not too late

These are the things we sought
Not to happen
These were the times we learnt
To let things be

Given the cleansing
Touch by the hands of time
When it's time to leave
We will come to see

Young Love

Today I felt
A youthful mind
Her secret language
Of whats and whys

About the wind
Rain, stars and sky
About animals
And bugs that fly

She saw pretty things
Dared to laugh out loud
She saw ugly things
And did the same

She asked me why
I knew everything
All the while staring
As if into my brain

We played and she learnt
About this world
While I held high
My guilty pride

For while we played
It was she who taught
While letting me
Pretend to guide

You see, she's young
While I feel old
Pretending that
It mattered not

I think, she'll grow up
Faster than she knows
Alas, slowly
The apple's core will rot

My time and meandering
Story line
For years, like rocks
Developed mould

I shielded myself
Against the fears
I slowly let
My heart grow cold

Do not give up
Give in, or give out
I've learnt to keep
So very still

To stand like grass
Against the storms
To hide a soul
That was slowly ill

I thought for years
That I was fine
When I've lost
My will to be alive

Until I felt
Her youthful mind
An inspiration
That was only nine

Today I loved
A youthful mind
Her secret language
Of smiles and laughs

She asked me to tell
Everything I knew
And in return, she
Showed me all about love

Parallel

I miss how the strum
Of your words
Fall on my ears
Through to my heart

So inspired to live
Without hope
Of living without
Your love as an art

My world was complete
Inside your eyes
Your smouldering sigh
Of pure Autumn gold

So clearly you see
I believed
All along
That we'd never be wrong

For you, I believed in a fairy tale
For you, I believed in a fairy tale
With you, I belived in a fairy world
With you, I would try


One night I received
A dream
A whisper of hope
That you'd be the end

The end to my questions
The doubts
The whos and the whens
With your touch I'd mend

But I woke to find
You were gone
Already awake
And staring away

That's when I knew
That I had loved
Given too much
I was too scared to stay

Because you had become my fairy tale
I had built up my fairy world
To keep you safe like a pearl
Only you, could make me cry


Nothing could change
The way we once were
Not him, or Him
Or any other lover

Still I lie awake
And long to hear
Your gentle dreams
Of home in my ear

I remember

That you were more than a fairy tale
That I was part of your fairy world
Now you've grown beyond just a fairy girl
It's your time to fly

God-less

They came here to share
What One had spoken
They told me that all wrongs
Would now be forgiven

I heard how they called
To faces unseen
Their voices sang praises
Both aloud and within

They asked for me to pray
They asked for me to try
They offered me new ways
To leave my doubts behind

I looked upon their faces
I could see no lie
I smiled my awkward answer
But envied their burning eyes

I played my part and followed
I stepped on to their beats
A heart that once was hollow
Is trying to be complete

Alas, their faces have shown
That I did not do well
I could not hide my yearning gaze
My struggles they could tell

There were so many questions
That kept my door closed tight
I've had too many friends
Like reason, doubt and pride

I parted feeling God-less
Not fit or meant-to-be
I wondered about my lost ticket
For their spritirual journey

For them it must be simple
A complete divine surrender
I wondered how I should have felt
When I received their offer

Should I stop this believing
In all that's here and now?
Could I ever give up this magic
Through reason which I've found?

One day Love came around the same
And offered me her ways
Again I smiled my answer
To her come-what-may

Alas and again we parted
My door stood tightly shut
Her key could not undo the hurt
Or fill a missing part

I swore I'd not do this again
She swore she'd never stop
A promise to keep trying
Like waves against the rocks

Could love and God be one
My door has kept shut out?
Condemned to search an eternity
Before the key is found?

Today I still feel God-less
Not fit or meant-to-be
I wonder about my lost ticket
And Love's promise to me

A New Year

It's 20 past the one
As I write this line
I know it's getting late
But who's keeping the time?

Today we let it go
Today we'll stay up late
To usher out the unrenewed
And welcome fresh Spring fate

In lights or in red
In tradition's buzzing glee
Some shake, some touch
And some we simply let be

For not all gaps or rivers
Were meant for us to bridge
Just as lovers will fight
Before love's bounty reached

Hands and arms held open
Or closed in bowed greeting
Let us receive this canvas
Of shades that we all bring

So out not only with the old
And cheer not only for the new
But keep instead a heart so bold
With dreams and living, fresh as dew

Happy Birthday, P!

Today we age a little more
Some lines, some stories
And some behind the doors

Just yesterday
We thought
We knew and wanted more

Today we know
We love
And kept our scores

So let these candles
Chatter
And dance and soar

Happy birthday, babe
Our gift shall peer
Through love's open door

Desperate

Is it too late
Could this be fate?
You know I'd do anything
Just to be your date

But where we are now
Who we have become
Are we condemned to be free
Or will our time ever come?

Is it too late
Or must I still wait
Even when I haven't felt more
Sure of anyone to-date

The Way It Goes

There were some days
When all I'd do is play
In search of something new

Though it was fun
Those days in the sun
One of them led me to you

One day I'd found
Your whispers haunting me
And thoughts of you to hold

But the days passed by
They moved so quickly
And I left you in the cold

That's the way that our love goes
Build it up just to let it go
Let the leaves fall outside our windows
We'll live fast just to die slow
That's why we let go

I had a dream
That you came back to me
After all that I've put you through

You said, "go get a grip
Don't you ever quit
I'm not leaving until we're through"

Then all the times
When it seemed impossible
That we would find our way home

All those times
You stood in silence, holding
My hand just to stay strong

They said, "there is a way,
Back to yesterday;
There's a way for us to be good."

So just yesterday
I started to pray
That what they had said was true

There were times
It seemed impossible
For us to find a way home

And through the fire
We figured we'd be fine
As long as we don't let go

That's the way that the world goes
Spinning past before you know
Though the doors and windows have closed
We're fast but still we're too slow

The Other End Of The Sheets

She likes chasing fire flies
Insists that she is shy
She'll wake at seven just so to stay in bed

She can't seem to sit down still
Eat shellfish until she's ill
She'll say it's hot and then almost catch a chill

She'll never give into her dreams
She'd rather work it out slowly
The rocks and trees she touches
Make more sense than destiny
But she'll throw it all away
Just for me

I like sipping on red wine
Go climbing on a line
Or spend the day curled up to a book instead

I'd jump right into a chance
To make music or to dance
With or without shoes I'd not care what they say

I'd love to lose myself to dreams
And run along with their journeys
I'd rather stay awake
And waste my time instead of sleep
Because this life is
Never what it seems


Like two bright revolving stars
We've travelled oh so far
To spin across the sheets from cheek to cheek

We know it's easy to believe
To draw the lines that don't meet
In time we'll roll from opposite
Ends of the sheet
Then there'll be no need for
Counting silly sheep

Angelic Nothing

My angel said
"It's getting light,"
I wished that somehow
Dawn would come without the night

Before I gave in
Resigned to stay tired
Before I grieved
For prayers unanswered

"Don't say a word
It's alright that we're quiet,"
My angel seemed
To read my mind

"A gift I will give to you
Money and time won't buy
When words, they don't travel
You can give it a try

It's both big, and it's little
It's an end, and a start
It's all, and it's nothing
I give the language of my heart."

My angel's words stitched me
Like silver needles fine
Across my living patch-work
In a bold defiant line

I wanted to say thank you
Wanted to ask why
She should grant me such gift
In spite of my crimes

But alas, my angel flew
With less than a goodbye
She left as she had come
Upon my lonely sigh

Above the Wreckage (a poem)

Take some time to count your fortunes
Know that nothing here will last
Neither have they been elusive
Fading fast, fast

Don't waste your beautiful
Your beautiful life
Don't fall behind under
These tides of strife, down here

Now, you must rise above the wreckage
Up from dark times before
See it all fall away around you
See it fall, fall

Don't hold these wings in chains
These practical chains
Open these hands and let
The wind carry you away, away

Deep

I long to lie beside you

I long to come alive

In your arms again

Wine was our secret language

But no words were needed

To convince me to stay

It was all you needed

To take me in

I'm helpless tonight

Surrendered to your charm

Seduced by your gentle

Kisses against my arm

Please tell me tonight

You miss what we have shared

And it was more than just

A dream inside my head

Crashing down

Reaching out

For your tenderness

Your gracefulness

We've barely scratched the surface

Or have we gone so deep that

We've both lost our ways

If I'm lost inside you

I'd be contented just to

Stay this way

Let you be all

I'll ever need

I'm helpless tonight
Surrendered to your charm
Seduced by your gentle
Kisses against my arm

Please show me tonight
That you miss what we have shared
And it wasn't nothing more than
Voices round my head

And I'll come reaching out

Without a doubt
To keep this tenderness

With a gentle kiss

Sand

Your eyes they look right through me
Your smile it seems to say you've given in
We'd fallen for each other
A memory that wouldn't fade away

With the rush
We broke the hush

YOU CARRIED ME DOWN
WARMLY IN YOUR ARMS
BURIED AND HELPLESS
SWIRLING IN YOUR CHARM

YOU CAN'T TELL ME NOW
ALL THAT WE HAVE MADE
WAS NOTHING MORE THAN SAND
WITHIN OUR HANDS

SLIPPING OUT
SLIPPING OUT
JUST LIKE SAND
WE WERE JUST LIKE SAND

Since then our corners wore off
Our edgy began to fade away
Often at night I've wondered
How we had come to throw it all away

But in the end
Our hearts will mend

TO CARRY US DOWN
THROUGH THE HOURGLASS
LOST AND DISTRACTED
WAITING FOR OUR TIME TO PASS

HELP ME TONIGHT
THIS VOICE WITHIN MY HEAD
WAS EVERYTHING YOUR TOUCH
HAD EVER SAID

SLIPPING OUT
RUNNING OUT
THROUGH MY HANDS
NOTHING MORE THAN SAND

Please turn it around
Leave me with some hope
Cos I can't remember
Ever falling this far

Before you leave tonight
Remember all we had
Wasn't nothing more
Than noise inside our heads

Fading out
Slipping out
We can't pretend
Through our hands


I long to wake beside you
To turn and reach out
For your hand again

Solitude

When it's over
When it's time
There'll be no bells
No angel choirs

Nor the tinkle
Of shattered pieces
Slipping through
Guilty fingers

There may be tears
There'll be emotions
Words exchanged
Blows felt

But there'll always
Be solitude
An empty quiet
That lays in wait

No noise, no peace
Just emptiness
A sense of loss
A growing hole

When it's over
There'll be no prayers
No mercy for me
None for the in-between

Crash

I tried to forget about it
I tried my best to ignore it
To keep it out, away
This pain within


Got lost again while trying
From searching now I'm crawling
Fell fast and hard, away
I've crashed again


But in our rush
We got lost


Carry me home
Don't let me fall apart
When the rain is gone
Won't you keep me warm


Leave your light on
To guide me on the way
Something I can rely on
To turn the night into the day


The night may pass
The heart will last
We'll live through the crash

I've tried to reason the heart
I've tried to try the ways
I've tried to go down easy
But I just can't win

I couldn't stop your tears fallen
When each promise lay broken
You've been through hell
For my lofty sin

But in our rush
We lay crashed

A Haunting Love

Was it you
Who looked me right in the eyes
And said that you
Would never see me cry

Was it me
Who reached out for your hand
And said that we
Would never say goodbye

In between we've lived
Through heaven
And burning hell
Refusing to let this die

When one was in pain
Another would wish
To take their place
To soothe the hurt, or just try

Would we have thought
That when no one else
Could or would understand
The stroy behind why we cry

When all we knew
Feels all so temporary
Fragile tenderness
Like a bird waiting to fly

Put out your heart
And rest your hands
On our ethereal love
And let the world pass on by

And remember
It was you, and it was me
Who said, hush now
This truth is only yours and mine

Music

When dusty souls
That have oft wandered
And turned every corner
In search of worthy wonder

Driven by hunger
Pursued by yearning
Hearts that refused quiet
To feel the fire burning

But alas the night oft falls
In a silent guilty hush
To leave no gold or silver
After the blur of day's rush

Let not your ears and heart
Lay down their arms
To give in or up in the silence
Against all that may come

There shall be one
A magic though small
It would still move
Each heart she calls

Listen! To all the things
She is trying to say
Let the music in your soul
And she won't be far away

Let each beat urge your heart
Each note dance for you
Each crescendo bring you close
And feel her warmth bring you home

Music, oh how she still moves
In mysterious ways
To sing along and away
These nights into days

Come take me away
Please take me away
Through the nights and days
Please say that you'll stay

Dreaming In Red

I had a dream, once
I was in an alley, smoking
On a dank November night
Under a old streetlamp, waiting

Your set had just started
I could hear the trumpet sighing
You should be in the wings now
A pearl in this dark clam stirring

Today, you are a passionate red
Your marble skin and crown opaline
But each time I feel you pass
I still drown in your sultry wine

I dragged out deep
On my only thread to sanity
The smoke from my cigarette
Calm the nervous soul within

It is jazz of Shanghai that you sing
But hints of abandon that you give
Each night I help you to the stage
Each night you give me a little more to live

Under the orange glow, I linger
Dreaming to your whisky-laced purr
Wishing that there was a way
For me to take you away from here

No more nights at seedy joints
No more parading to the wolves
Though somehow I think you know
Your appetite I could never soothe

Ever since I had that dream
It’s never been the same
I heard your sighing everywhere
And my soul whispers your name

The Heart

We've always looked to the skies
And to things our eyes cannot see
With hands and borrowed words
We'll try to keep our hearts afloat


But there'll be no startling signs
That fate has finally found me
No thunder breaks above
No holy script to serve


You told me the heart will prove it all
It'll make the sense within
Even as the mountains wear and fall
Let our faith build the bridges in between


Beyond seasons, the time and tide
As wrinkles claw our skin
We'll stand true with our hearts beating alive
Let truth become our guide

But I remember black skies
The night that fell around me
I remember the cold
How my heart began to hurt

I searched with prayers
That you will finally find me
When it all began to blur
Your voice was all I heard

You told me the heart will prove it all
It'll make the sense within
Even reason shall bend and fail
Let the beats build the bridges in between

Beyond seasons, the time and tide
As sands sweep across our skin
We'll stand true with one beating rhyme
And let our hearts be our guide

Music: How She Still Moves Me

When dusty souls
That have oft wandered
And turned every corner
In search of worthy wonder

Driven by hunger
Pursued by yearning
Hearts that refused quiet
To feel the fire burning

But alas the night oft falls
In a silent guilty hush
To leave no gold or silver
After the blur of day's rush

Let not your ears and heart
Lay down their arms
To give in or up in the silence
Against all that may come

There shall be one
A magic though small
It would still move
Each heart she calls

Listen! To all the things
She is trying to say
Let the music in your soul
And she won't be far away

Let each beat urge your heart
Each note dance for you
Each crescendo bring you close
And feel her warmth bring you home

Music, oh how she still moves
In mysterious ways
To sing along and away
These nights into days

Come take me away
Please take me away
Through the nights and days
Please tell me you'll stay

Twilight Rose

Twilight rose
Oh, twilight rose
I love your enigma
How it soothes my soul

Against a crown
Of purple white clouds
You shyly peek
Your whiskey brow

Warm, yes you are
You touch me so
With a sincere blush
Trimmed in gold

Twilight rose
Please say that you'll stay
I know that you'll come
Only once on each day

In such sweet rapture
We meet for just a while
But you'll always go
Leaving me your sorbet smile

Twilight rose
Oh, twilight rose
Please come back
I miss you so

Lullaby

Stoned, cold
These eyes glazed over
Thin, worn
These hands feel older

Like blood on snow

A soul is tainted

Irreversible

Cold and jaded

But no, not you

You kept me awake

With touch and smiles

I heard you say

When twilight comes
It'll bring a beginning
See how far we've come
Our hearts still beating

Put your hand in mine
We'll keep on dreaming
With time and tide
We'll keep on flowing

But if you fear or fall behind
I'll sing to you this lullaby
To keep you safe from the dark
Until again you're ready to try

The Old Flame

It's been too long since
I've touched these keys
They're dusted over
Just like these dreams

But on a pre-dawn morning
A thought struck me
A sentient arrow
A rekindled memory

Of a certain flame
Of a certain name
Of a certain heart
That refused to be tamed

And so I sought you out
Searched the sky
For your cloud
And yes, your words they
Still burn bright

There Must Be More

I'll break these chains
I'll dust these ties
Like an idea prime
I won't be denied

For long we have stayed
On much we have waited
Before our hearts
Has all but become jaded

Let the tired sun set
Pay it no mind
For it's the dawn that we prepare
The coming of our time

This Song Has No Words

A tune stands alone
Contemplative and free
Without the burdens
Of any lyrical duties

Her form is flowing
Her soul pulses strong
A secret chime of a mandolin
Outlines her heart's song

A choir of clean strings
They join in step now
Chopping, a slow storm
Brewing, they drum a sound

I watch from beyond
Can't ignore the sound
I feel my pulse quicken
And my feet can't touch the ground

Bells, then a heavenly choir
They climb, they call out above
By her command
With her, a pulsing nerve

Like a wild wind blowing
Channeled through my doors
She whispers a storm
That explodes to a roar

She goes on, and on, and on
She won't let me go
And I don't want anything else
My world was paved in gold

She has no name (she says so)
Her soul bears no words
And she makes not signs
But whirls me enchanted

Oh who are you
What have you done?
Within my universe
You are now my only sun

Shut

These doors I see
Lay open and closed
They speak to me
Urging for a choice

Through one and another
I walked on, but
Often I wonder
About right and wrong

When I found no more
Searching blind and broken
Still I was hoping for
A chance, a door still open

Then through the night
You opened doors
And brought your light
To show much more

At last, I was found
But I was blinded
Without a sound
Your light ended

It was not the wind
It was not the night
But the door closing
That put out your light

Left, shut and alone
I wander on again
How it could have gone
Like a whisper of your name

So I'm holding on

Still I'm holding out

It's been so long

Since your dawn

Through The Rain

On my flaming steed I've riddern

Where the winds would lead.

I've come to here from afar

To be precise, 15 kilometers so far.

But the rain hads been kind

It yields an unexpected find.

A precious hidden sight

A treasure by the fading light.

What have I seen?

Where have I been?

Oh, I've discovered a backyard sunset

But it's you that I can't forget.

Real

In every boy

In every girl

Should see their worth

In this world

Bless their soul

With words of old

Teach them well

And keep them real

Show them doors

Between the walls
Give them strength to walk
On through them tall

To live and learn
To dream and yearn
And not to bend
And simply wait their turn

At Long Last

At last we've closed this chapter
At last one forgives another
The story of our twisted fate
A weary heart, finally given up on hate

"I forgive you," were her words
That showed me love, beyond the hurt
Oh how badly we had to burn
Our lessons in blood, we had to learn

"I had long forgiven you," I prayed
In return, a reality I never did say
But what can one do but to apologise
Again to soothe a wounded disguise

At long last, exoneration
It's been so long since we spoke
Between what we've done to against the other
There could still be hope

A hand or a fist, by which we meet
It is our choice, with love or in defeat
We met in love, and parted by fire
Down rained her fists, I was cursed as a liar

This heart how it has crawled
Into your lap and onto the floor
Time and you have now forgive this cage
Risen, has hope, above this wreckage

Thank you, I was wrong
Thank you, you were strong
But I can't say enough
About the irony of love wronged

Peace

Peaceful mind
O' peaceful heart
In these dark times
We're far apart

I look for you
In every turn
Impatient I wait
For your return

Your graceful touch
I need it so
To carry me forth
When these fights get old

But these days between
I do treasure much
For I've learnt and grown
Because we're apart

Your will to stay or go
I cannot mould
But I'll stay true
If you'll promise so

Look Away

Take your eyes
Look away, look out
At the clouds and the sun

Turn you eyes
Look up, look around
You've looked at this path too often

Take your heart
Live strong, live true
There's still hope yet in your hand

Make a dream
Stay true, stay firm
Do not let this valley crowd your heart

Say a prayer
Believe, you must believe
In you, this land, and the warm sunrise

Let The Rain Do The Rest

This whirlwind in the brain box
Above a beating flame
I try and try to figure
But it will never be the same

If the universe should conspire
To choose a left from right
Or between an obvious fire
And a subtle pondering night

It shall be no one's blame
When it's all like a game
Each roll of dice or punches
Was never meant to be the same

And so with each new morning
Within my beating chest
I pray to see you smile again
And let the rain do the rest

Christmas 2005

Ink and smiles bring Seasons Greetings
T'is the season for thanks-giving
Thou tummies fill do turkey roasts
It's hearts that warm under mistletoe

A season, a reason - to rejoice and cheer
A time, a rhyme - to cheris all that is dear
For seven days and endless nights
Through mind and bory, we've had to fight

To push, to pull - to goals we'd try
Perhaps one day we'll really fly

But wings I need not to walk on clouds
When your hands grace mine, I have no doubt
On napkins, a parcment of women wood hair
I carve a river through lyrical dare

An ode to you, a christmas wish
A bow to Santa's nice-naughty list

I must've been good for a whole long time
To get my present so soon yet fine
I guess my wish for snow has to wair
For now, a white christmas can't beat your date!

A first in years, i've never felt more
The way your twinkle drowns out the roar
Wat crowd, what din, what joyous chaos
All replaced, all parted by the prayer of yours


"Merry Christmas 2005,

Love Kiat"



*scribbled across a Starbucks Coffee napkin.



I miss that.

5 a.m.

I woke to the rain this morning
Looked out onto the streets
I was looking for a sign of you
A whisper of hope, that you were coming

Caught in the drops and winds that swept me by
I thought I saw your soul
And for a moment it was alright
But now, the moment's gone and I'm alone

Said a prayer and felt it touch the ground
Like these kisses from heaven
They all came crashing down
To remind me of all that I have missed

So I took a breath and closed my eyes
Tried to hide away
Keep all that was cold inside
Drive the lonliness away

The space beside me is still quiet
It's been empty for so long
No soft familiar breathing
Instead a slow burn yearning

Caught in the thoughts and sighs that turn inside
I thought I had it all
Now with the drinks the dreams they come alive
And make me want you more and more and more

Said a prayer and felt it touch the ground
Like these kisses from heaven
They all came crashing down
To remind me of all that I have missed

Kiss the rain and let it wash over your soul
Close your eyes and open your heart
Hold out your soul
And for a moment forget what you have missed

Photographs

Your memories
Play like a film
Without sound
Before me, slowly

Those good times
Are still alive
Very much so
Somewhere, not now

This place, this face
These things you shared
Are kept close
Like a teardrop

But they are not mine
These journeys
They inspire
And show me much

So I shall from now
Remember and love
Start my own film
Together with yours

Sunset

One more sunset, sliding past the six

One more moment dressed with grace

We know the night comes

It'd be a shame to let it pass

On so little the night we must last

Beg the loveliness to stay
When the colours fade away

If you believe the night will end

If you believe the sun will come

If you can open your eyes and your heart

To the love between

Then the sunset will be yours

She will be yours

We flew in on the same winds

We loved the memories they bring

For a while, it was perfect

But the moments and day did pass

With so little, the nights we must last

Your loveliness did stay

The sunset couldn't burn it away

You said, believe the night will end

Believe the sun will come

For me, open your eyes and your heart

To this love between

The sunset will be yours

The sunset will be ours

Now comes the night

Hold on to the light

The sunset will be ours

The sunset will be ours

One Rainy Night

I walked across an empty street,
Stopped by a street lamp
In the drizzle to breathe

I touched the earth, embraced the air
Felt all the life around me
To the tip of my hair

Oh, simple words
How you have come
Found me in yearning
Then took me into your arms

For a simple fate
Not complex thoughts
Just hold me close and
Give me a reason to live on

I came upon a lonely tree,
Felt the glancing raindrop
Like your generous kiss

I read your words
Those precious gifts
They seem to always make me complete

Oh, simple words
How you have come
Found me in yearning
Then took me into your arms

For a simple fate
Not complex thoughts
Just hold me close and
Give me a reason to live on

If you have a heartbeat
Why don’t we just go
To a place where only we know
To share and learn about the reasons

Why no one else shows
Yet no one else knows
In a place where only we know

A Brief Touch of Light

If Heaven meant to lead us
Through these gates of stone and fire
If Fate meant to show us
Just how impatiente we were

If choices had always given us
Everything we wouldn't choose
And if life has frequently taken
What we'd rather not lose

What choice of knowing,
A choice for the willing?
Or a force of the able
Empty as an aged fable

When you'd rather turn away
When you can just step aside
Listen as a wind blows
Across this great divide

Beyond the yester yearnings
Or the anguish of tears denied
A candle truth shall be our light
Compassion will then be our guide

Sit, stop and stare
With each step come a breath
Slowly, open thy inner eye
To embrace the reasons why

In little over a revolution
In more than a few words
You shall be shown more
Than you could have heard

So fight not stubborn battles
Dig deep no furrowed brows
Compassion does not insist equals
But just an inner smile

Confession

Through your gates I walk,
Carrying all I cannot hold
My heart aflamed, I cannot hide
You are my Aphrodite, a goddess

Your eyes, they are like mirrors
They show what I could not find
Your lips have whispered
Reflections, sweet beyond time

Oh, how your eyes tease me
How your sighs, they fill me
With my endless imagination
Of bitter regret transformed

There is no comfort in silence
No chance of passing up
That I can, but also must
Confess a dream, a wanton secret

I want, so much I shouldn't
I can't stop, so many words
What have you done to me
All I can remember is a craving

Time

Take time, give time
Do what you would between
But remember, none shall pass
Until the winds have changed


The mountains will wait
Posseidon's Will shall stay
While we yearn and burn
With our right to fight

Continue to hope
Stop not the breath
The beating living dream
Let no heart sing alone

Each pass we meet
Each ridge we crawl
Shall fade and yield
As we meet them bold

For it is not with wayward
Strength that we beat them
But with courage
That we try to understand

Not to yield to whims
Nor to bend to trials
But to serve a great mystery
A strive for self-mastery

So take time and give time
And think, think, think
Think to find, to know
To see and be one, with time

She Inspires

Why do we sail,
For a face, a name
Or for fairytale gold?


To touch with Gods
To feel their wisdoms
To know the truths they may hold?

For inspiration
In desperation
Or simply to get out, out there?

To know her
It is pointless
She would only show me myself

Beyond my promises
Beneath my hopes
She believes there is more

Without fear
Without favour
She chooses me for now

She gives
She takes
She inspires without sides

And now I believe
There is more
And I shall never go back

Before I Go

17 minutes overdue, I received a concerned piece of advice; thus followed this piece, dedicated to the unexpected moments of impending realisation, of powerful inspiration.

"Before I Go"

I have challenged the tides
Debated the winds,
And questioned the sun.

They all speak
A wisdom to me, profound,
Only with a greater patience.

They make me feel young
I make myself feel righteous
To that, they will only smile, and wait.

"Those who follow the Gods,
Kiss their steps, worship
And know their songs," they said

"Will find neither heaven gates
nor hell fires; only love."
And I am silenced.

"Release yourself and allow us
From thy fervent prison;
Full of burning faith and conviction."

I am all but quiet, in the company
Of a beating guilty nod within
I cannot ignore my heart, no.

"Fight not these blameless angels
To demand a worldly miracle,"
They continue, piercing my shame

"Walk with feet of own,
Fly only with wings given.
Try not and confuse not the two."

"For you and We are one
But not the same. Go."
And I went, along, away; aware.

Minutes From Departure

From deep within
Our canyon stalls,
We emerged burnt
From giving it all

Where lies the truth
A balm to soothe?
What hearts we've laid
Upont them these lines of truth

Oh how we tire
As they conspire
To break us down
We will run today

SPREAD THE COLOURS DEEP AND FAST
THIS IS OUR BRAND NEW START
THE NIGHT WE SHALL RESIST
RISE UP TODAY, TO A PROMISE

Oh how we tire
Of their desires
To hold us back
We must run today

FIGHT THE WAVES DEEP AND FAST
THIS IS OUR CHANCE TO START
OUR FEARS SHALL CEASE
AS WE RISE UP, TO A PROMISE

WE SHALL RISE TODAY
THSI IS OUR PROMISE

On Fire

I long for a touch
The light to put out the night
The whisper that lingers
Between me and the edge

I long for the mystery
A thought that would not leave
A fire burning up slowly
A heart, a willing captive

I pray for one more chance
To be on fire
To breathe this mystery
To be close to Love again

Cos everything I know now
Feels like everything I hate
There’s no truth that I can take
There’s no truce that I can make

I long for you, again
For all the nights you’re near me
For all your mysteries
For all the fire you brought me

I pray for one more chance
To be on fire
To make these verses more than
Empty sounds and empty words

Cos I finally know now
You’re the chance I want to see
You’re the times to truly live
You’re one last chance that I’d take

I’ve been burnt
But I’m still on fire
Whenever I think
When you come around

You and your mysteries
You’re a mystery…
I’m on fire…

---------------------------------------

Its's Valentines Day today, I'm longing to be on fire. Burn me again, won't you?

I know you're lighting up another night somewhere out there.

You're always crazy that way. You're always beautiful that way.

That's why you've always had a way. That's why you're a mystery, at the edge of me.

Burn me again, won't you?

A New Start

These points we’ve chosen
Along our lives
They form our destiny

One step with another
One point, one day
One breath by you and me

Across, over and beyond
We walk, step to fly
Away from mediocrity

With only truth to heart
We remain on these paths
And push on with tenacity

For each point we may choose
Shall lead to another
Arriving, a renewed destiny

Song For A Friend

Your skies have turned to grey
Fade to black
No more familiar sounds
To come home to

You have made me whole
And made me smile
When nothing was ever enough
But now you're gone

NOW THERE'S JUST A SPACE
WHERE YOU ONCE LAY
AND IT'S YOUR FACE I SEE
IN EVERY PLACE

You never knew just what
You've done for me
I've tried to carry you
And give you everything

Now that you're gone
Who'll break my fall?
Now that you're far away
Who'll help me carry on?

NOW THERE'S JUST A SPACE
WHERE YOU ONCE LAY
AND IT'S YOUR FACE I SEE
IN EVERY PLACE

They say that all dogs
Go to heaven
I say that of all dogs
You were my heaven

NOW THERE'S JUST A SPACE
WHERE YOU ONCE LAY
AND IT'S YOUR FACE I SEE
IN EVERY PLACE

NOW WHO IS GOING TO SAVE ME
WHEN YOU'RE GONE?
WHO'LL WATCH OVER ME
WHEN YOU'RE GONE?

========================================

Because loss was will never be easy to deal with. No, not for you.