Time

It is time to...

Seldom do the choices become this clear, when what you want and what you have are in such different light that you cannot ignore what you see.

When it becomes clear that you can't avoid being yourself -- that what you do is essentially self-centered, no matter how alturistic the motivation or outcome. When the questions of trying otherwise have dried up, because you realise that what you're not getting (or in return for your efforts) is what makes you insecure, and how you react is always in answer to those insecurity. All you need to do is to overcome these obstacles, and a new chapter will unfold itself. But you don't have the courage to start.

When you realise that you're guilty, of all the above, and will carry on being guilty. That self-blame is but a reflection of self-pity, which does nothing to resolve the situation. That you have received unconditional love all the while, but never thought of giving it back or paying it forward. That, yes, you have taken it all for granted. That it will only take some effort to turn things around, but you're so tired...

When you think that you can put it off to be resolved another time, or another day... that things will be better. That you were cheating yourself all along when you believed in that. You were merely wasting borrowed time.

When you realise that you don't need what you have, but still want it. When you realise that you don't know how to let a beautiful thing go until it has been wrenched out of your hands.

When you realise that too much wisdom can be a sad thing.

When you realise that good advice is hard to take.

When you realise that it's time to choose. That it truely takes two hands to clap -- the same plane, opposite directions, and a willingness to meet. Ability? Well, ability can be learnt, so long as the willingness is still there.

When you realise, that it's really just so difficult to do something simple, like love someone more than yourself. When you start to appreciate how beautiful unconditional love really is.
When you know that tomorrow will still come, reagardless. That if you see the sun rise, you will surely feel the heat from beyond the clouds. What you didn't do yesterday will still remain unfinished.

When you know that it's time to be frank with yourself. That while you want to settle down emotionally, conditions may not allow for that. That you can't always have what you want, or get what you give... especially not when you don't fully understand what you want or were doing in the first place.

When you know that reading things over once is not enough. That the true meaning of things are no longer hidden behind layers of words, but behind layers of ourselves. Frequently, we don't understand other people simply because we can't see beyond ourselves. Try and try again, then it will be easier the next time.

When you realise that writing something like this will make some people unhappy. But these are just reflections of a truth, and that by being "happy" just won't solve anything. Once you accept the truth, it's not that hard to be happy either. You could be even happier, in fact... But you'll definitely see things and do things with greater clarity.

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Thank you for the advice, my friends. I have a long way to go in learning how to handle these issues of the heart and soul. I am glad that I have your ears and advice to rely on. I am thankful that through your patience, I have learnt slowly not to brood, but to think. Our conversations have always been fruitful.
For now, these words and thoughts are wise... A condensation of the truths that I had been trying to discover and appreciate, though at many times, I too was running away. Perhaps it is time for me to learn a new lesson -- courage, to choose.

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JKLM