It is time to...
Seldom do the choices become this clear, when what you want and what you have are in such different light that you cannot ignore what you see.
When it becomes clear that you can't avoid being yourself -- that what you do is essentially self-centered, no matter how alturistic the motivation or outcome. When the questions of trying otherwise have dried up, because you realise that what you're not getting (or in return for your efforts) is what makes you insecure, and how you react is always in answer to those insecurity. All you need to do is to overcome these obstacles, and a new chapter will unfold itself. But you don't have the courage to start.
When you realise that you're guilty, of all the above, and will carry on being guilty. That self-blame is but a reflection of self-pity, which does nothing to resolve the situation. That you have received unconditional love all the while, but never thought of giving it back or paying it forward. That, yes, you have taken it all for granted. That it will only take some effort to turn things around, but you're so tired...
When you think that you can put it off to be resolved another time, or another day... that things will be better. That you were cheating yourself all along when you believed in that. You were merely wasting borrowed time.
When you realise that you don't need what you have, but still want it. When you realise that you don't know how to let a beautiful thing go until it has been wrenched out of your hands.
When you realise that too much wisdom can be a sad thing.
When you realise that good advice is hard to take.
When you realise that it's time to choose. That it truely takes two hands to clap -- the same plane, opposite directions, and a willingness to meet. Ability? Well, ability can be learnt, so long as the willingness is still there.
When you realise, that it's really just so difficult to do something simple, like love someone more than yourself. When you start to appreciate how beautiful unconditional love really is.
When you know that tomorrow will still come, reagardless. That if you see the sun rise, you will surely feel the heat from beyond the clouds. What you didn't do yesterday will still remain unfinished.
When you know that it's time to be frank with yourself. That while you want to settle down emotionally, conditions may not allow for that. That you can't always have what you want, or get what you give... especially not when you don't fully understand what you want or were doing in the first place.
When you know that reading things over once is not enough. That the true meaning of things are no longer hidden behind layers of words, but behind layers of ourselves. Frequently, we don't understand other people simply because we can't see beyond ourselves. Try and try again, then it will be easier the next time.
When you realise that writing something like this will make some people unhappy. But these are just reflections of a truth, and that by being "happy" just won't solve anything. Once you accept the truth, it's not that hard to be happy either. You could be even happier, in fact... But you'll definitely see things and do things with greater clarity.
========================================
Thank you for the advice, my friends. I have a long way to go in learning how to handle these issues of the heart and soul. I am glad that I have your ears and advice to rely on. I am thankful that through your patience, I have learnt slowly not to brood, but to think. Our conversations have always been fruitful.
For now, these words and thoughts are wise... A condensation of the truths that I had been trying to discover and appreciate, though at many times, I too was running away. Perhaps it is time for me to learn a new lesson -- courage, to choose.
========================================
JKLM
Friday, September 29, 2006
Time
It is time to...
Seldom do the choices become this clear, when what you want and what you have are in such different light that you cannot ignore what you see.
When it becomes clear that you can't avoid being yourself -- that what you do is essentially self-centered, no matter how alturistic the motivation or outcome. When the questions of trying otherwise have dried up, because you realise that what you're not getting (or in return for your efforts) is what makes you insecure, and how you react is always in answer to those insecurity. All you need to do is to overcome these obstacles, and a new chapter will unfold itself. But you don't have the courage to start.
When you realise that you're guilty, of all the above, and will carry on being guilty. That self-blame is but a reflection of self-pity, which does nothing to resolve the situation. That you have received unconditional love all the while, but never thought of giving it back or paying it forward. That, yes, you have taken it all for granted.
When you think that you can put it off to be resolved another time, or another day... that things will be better. That you were cheating yourself all along when you believed in that. You were merely wasting borrowed time.
When you realise that you don't need what you have, but still want it. When you realise that you don't know how to let a beautiful thing go until it has been wrenched out of your hands.
When you realise that too much wisdom can be a sad thing.
When you realise that good advice is hard to take.
When you realise that it's time to choose. That it truely takes two hands to clap -- the same plane, opposite directions, and a willingness to meet. Ability? Well, ability can be learnt, so long as the willingness is still there.
When you realise, that it's really just so difficult to do something simple, like love someone more than yourself. When you start to appreciate how beautiful unconditional love really is.
When you know that tomorrow will still come, reagardless. That if you see the sun rise, you will surely feel the heat from beyond the clouds. What you didn't do yesterday will still remain unfinished.
When you know that it's time to be frank with yourself. That while you want to settle down emotionally, conditions may not allow for that. That you can't always have what you want, or get what you give... especially not when you don't fully understand what you want or were doing in the first place.
When you know that reading things over once is not enough. That the true meaning of things are no longer hidden behind layers of words, but behind layers of ourselves. Frequently, we don't understand other people simply because we can't see beyond ourselves. Try and try again, then it will be easier the next time.
========================================
Thank you for the advice, my friends. I have a long way to go in learning how to handle these issues of the heart and soul. I am glad that I have your ears and advice to rely on. I am thankful that through your patience, I have learnt slowly not to brood, but to think. Our conversations have always been fruitful.
For now, these words and thoughts are wise... A condensation of the truths that I had been trying to discover and appreciate, though at many times, I too was running away. Perhaps it is time for me to learn a new lesson -- courage, to choose.
I just wanna do the right thing.
JKLM
Seldom do the choices become this clear, when what you want and what you have are in such different light that you cannot ignore what you see.
When it becomes clear that you can't avoid being yourself -- that what you do is essentially self-centered, no matter how alturistic the motivation or outcome. When the questions of trying otherwise have dried up, because you realise that what you're not getting (or in return for your efforts) is what makes you insecure, and how you react is always in answer to those insecurity. All you need to do is to overcome these obstacles, and a new chapter will unfold itself. But you don't have the courage to start.
When you realise that you're guilty, of all the above, and will carry on being guilty. That self-blame is but a reflection of self-pity, which does nothing to resolve the situation. That you have received unconditional love all the while, but never thought of giving it back or paying it forward. That, yes, you have taken it all for granted.
When you think that you can put it off to be resolved another time, or another day... that things will be better. That you were cheating yourself all along when you believed in that. You were merely wasting borrowed time.
When you realise that you don't need what you have, but still want it. When you realise that you don't know how to let a beautiful thing go until it has been wrenched out of your hands.
When you realise that too much wisdom can be a sad thing.
When you realise that good advice is hard to take.
When you realise that it's time to choose. That it truely takes two hands to clap -- the same plane, opposite directions, and a willingness to meet. Ability? Well, ability can be learnt, so long as the willingness is still there.
When you realise, that it's really just so difficult to do something simple, like love someone more than yourself. When you start to appreciate how beautiful unconditional love really is.
When you know that tomorrow will still come, reagardless. That if you see the sun rise, you will surely feel the heat from beyond the clouds. What you didn't do yesterday will still remain unfinished.
When you know that it's time to be frank with yourself. That while you want to settle down emotionally, conditions may not allow for that. That you can't always have what you want, or get what you give... especially not when you don't fully understand what you want or were doing in the first place.
When you know that reading things over once is not enough. That the true meaning of things are no longer hidden behind layers of words, but behind layers of ourselves. Frequently, we don't understand other people simply because we can't see beyond ourselves. Try and try again, then it will be easier the next time.
========================================
Thank you for the advice, my friends. I have a long way to go in learning how to handle these issues of the heart and soul. I am glad that I have your ears and advice to rely on. I am thankful that through your patience, I have learnt slowly not to brood, but to think. Our conversations have always been fruitful.
For now, these words and thoughts are wise... A condensation of the truths that I had been trying to discover and appreciate, though at many times, I too was running away. Perhaps it is time for me to learn a new lesson -- courage, to choose.
I just wanna do the right thing.
JKLM
Monday, September 18, 2006
Crave
I crave for too much, too often.
I crave for knowledge, to know all that I want to know, more than what I need to know.
I crave for answers that are simple and clear, to stop the questions in my head.
I crave for affection, to feel appreciated, to know that it was worth the while.
I crave for love, to know that I can trust and that I'm good enough.
I crave to play, to flutter another heart for just a moment and to invoke a playful smile.
I crave for money, to know that I don't need to cause or be burdened by worry.
I crave for salvation, out of these damned waves of darkness.
I crave for rhyme and rhythm, because they move me like no other.
I crave for a kiss, a most personal reckless abandon.
I crave for pain, to be sure that I am still alive and feeling.
I crave for a you, to know that there is somewhere that is home.
I crave for an enigma, to seduce me and always slip through my fingers. But catch me at unsuspecting moments only to steal my breath away.
Sometimes, I crave for lonliness, the hug of darkness and familiarity of cold.
Sometimes, I crave for a crowd, a distant warmth and an witness to my quiet rebellion.
I crave for change, to help me appreciate the present and to make the temporary precious.
Most of all, I crave for peace. That which I have only met at fleeting moments laced wtih gold.
I crave for too much, too often.
JKLM
I crave for knowledge, to know all that I want to know, more than what I need to know.
I crave for answers that are simple and clear, to stop the questions in my head.
I crave for affection, to feel appreciated, to know that it was worth the while.
I crave for love, to know that I can trust and that I'm good enough.
I crave to play, to flutter another heart for just a moment and to invoke a playful smile.
I crave for money, to know that I don't need to cause or be burdened by worry.
I crave for salvation, out of these damned waves of darkness.
I crave for rhyme and rhythm, because they move me like no other.
I crave for a kiss, a most personal reckless abandon.
I crave for pain, to be sure that I am still alive and feeling.
I crave for a you, to know that there is somewhere that is home.
I crave for an enigma, to seduce me and always slip through my fingers. But catch me at unsuspecting moments only to steal my breath away.
Sometimes, I crave for lonliness, the hug of darkness and familiarity of cold.
Sometimes, I crave for a crowd, a distant warmth and an witness to my quiet rebellion.
I crave for change, to help me appreciate the present and to make the temporary precious.
Most of all, I crave for peace. That which I have only met at fleeting moments laced wtih gold.
I crave for too much, too often.
JKLM
Friday, September 15, 2006
The Paradox of Selfless Love
This occurred to me mid-way through my plate of green and brown at lunch: the paradox of "selfless" love.
"Selfless" love is a sort of self-perpetuating concept riddled with loop-holes and contradictions. This judgement sounds a bit harsh, but let's see how it works out...
Oftentimes, we find ourselves in situations when we have to make choices based on insufficient data, speculations or recollentions. This task is already difficult enough as it is, without the complications of emotions or love. Usually, we have a few of the following choices: ideals (or an ideal option given unlimited or unrestricted capability), reality (or a practical approach that we are sure we can take) and me (or personal preferences which we are most certain of, as compared to the other uncertainties of our situation).
Sounds familiar? Definitely... How many times have you been asked to spread your time between several commitments and tasks, either by your own doing or otherwise (some of us are popular and can't help it), only to have to choose between turning up for one and not the other. How many times have you thought that it was perhaps ideal to spread your afternoon evenly throughout all the activities, perhaps an hour at each location at most. Alternatively, you could also just pick and choose the series of activities that allows you to pack your afternoon to the maximum (most practical). Or lastly, you could always just pick and choose to turn up at the activities that you might enjoy most or suits your current mood the best.
Which is the best choice? No body will ever know, until a choice is made. That's why Murphy's Law comes into full swing and shows you that whatever you thouht "best" was only "better" in comparison to how things eventually worked out.
Without going into detailed analysis the merits or demerits of each option, I think it's safe to say that we frequently see in each situation only two types of approach -- the ideal and the practical (which is itself assessed based largely on "me"). We would then often find it difficult to make decisions involving people because being overly ideal would make us "selfless" but unhappy, but being practical often seems more "selfish" and would make others unhappy.
If we're not willing to take the risk of either approach, then we could simply choose to wait things out and react according to how the situation develops. In the case of outings, we could always wait for people to nag us and let the more "urgent" matters show themselves. In other matters, we could in fact wait for events to develop and respond accordingly, to the new priorities that surface.
This way, you would be at the mercy of the events around you, but whatever the outcome, it would surely seem less "your fault". However, to be proactive would also entail its own risk and demand for much more responsibility. Apply this to a relationship and you would soon see how ridiculous "selfless" love is. On one hand, you'd have to be either very idealistic or egocentric to offer "selfless" love, and you'd still be unhappy. But given that satisfction is only temporary and short-sighted in "selfish" pursuits, we'd sooner just choose to ignore the signs and let thigs "flow". Still, at some point, a choice needs to be made between several unhappy options, and guess what, we'd still be unhappy no matter what our decision is.
So what's the point? Our fuzzy emotional logic comes down to two camps: the people who believe in "why not try", and those who believe that "why bother" is a better way. And of course, there are people who "think too much", as I do. We believe in both, contemplate both types of approaches and constantly try to strike a balance between them.
Such is the tragedy of people like us -- we will never be happy, but we are one step closer to peace. This elusive peace is something our peers jump in and out of, but never settling in it long enough to understand it. This peace is what we move towards, for keeps.
JKLM
"Selfless" love is a sort of self-perpetuating concept riddled with loop-holes and contradictions. This judgement sounds a bit harsh, but let's see how it works out...
Oftentimes, we find ourselves in situations when we have to make choices based on insufficient data, speculations or recollentions. This task is already difficult enough as it is, without the complications of emotions or love. Usually, we have a few of the following choices: ideals (or an ideal option given unlimited or unrestricted capability), reality (or a practical approach that we are sure we can take) and me (or personal preferences which we are most certain of, as compared to the other uncertainties of our situation).
Sounds familiar? Definitely... How many times have you been asked to spread your time between several commitments and tasks, either by your own doing or otherwise (some of us are popular and can't help it), only to have to choose between turning up for one and not the other. How many times have you thought that it was perhaps ideal to spread your afternoon evenly throughout all the activities, perhaps an hour at each location at most. Alternatively, you could also just pick and choose the series of activities that allows you to pack your afternoon to the maximum (most practical). Or lastly, you could always just pick and choose to turn up at the activities that you might enjoy most or suits your current mood the best.
Which is the best choice? No body will ever know, until a choice is made. That's why Murphy's Law comes into full swing and shows you that whatever you thouht "best" was only "better" in comparison to how things eventually worked out.
Without going into detailed analysis the merits or demerits of each option, I think it's safe to say that we frequently see in each situation only two types of approach -- the ideal and the practical (which is itself assessed based largely on "me"). We would then often find it difficult to make decisions involving people because being overly ideal would make us "selfless" but unhappy, but being practical often seems more "selfish" and would make others unhappy.
If we're not willing to take the risk of either approach, then we could simply choose to wait things out and react according to how the situation develops. In the case of outings, we could always wait for people to nag us and let the more "urgent" matters show themselves. In other matters, we could in fact wait for events to develop and respond accordingly, to the new priorities that surface.
This way, you would be at the mercy of the events around you, but whatever the outcome, it would surely seem less "your fault". However, to be proactive would also entail its own risk and demand for much more responsibility. Apply this to a relationship and you would soon see how ridiculous "selfless" love is. On one hand, you'd have to be either very idealistic or egocentric to offer "selfless" love, and you'd still be unhappy. But given that satisfction is only temporary and short-sighted in "selfish" pursuits, we'd sooner just choose to ignore the signs and let thigs "flow". Still, at some point, a choice needs to be made between several unhappy options, and guess what, we'd still be unhappy no matter what our decision is.
So what's the point? Our fuzzy emotional logic comes down to two camps: the people who believe in "why not try", and those who believe that "why bother" is a better way. And of course, there are people who "think too much", as I do. We believe in both, contemplate both types of approaches and constantly try to strike a balance between them.
Such is the tragedy of people like us -- we will never be happy, but we are one step closer to peace. This elusive peace is something our peers jump in and out of, but never settling in it long enough to understand it. This peace is what we move towards, for keeps.
JKLM
Thursday, September 14, 2006
My Boss; Creation
My boss plays sports like a man, relishing challenges like one-of-the-boy and drives forward with equally macho daring. She holds nothing back as far as sports in concerned -- it's "try to win" or not at all. Out in the field, she's into floorball, running, cycling and adventure racing. In the office, she looks very much like a lioness perched on her sandstone boulder in the Serengeti grasslands. However, her face peels into a girlish smile everytime I ask her questions about the existing system and protocols at work.
She's been patient with me over the last few days at work. I know that she can be demanding, or quickly boiling with assertiveness when needed. She gets things done. She also surprised me at lunch today.
Just as she was starting on her plate of rice and vegetable, each neatly piled on one section of the plate, she received a phonecall. Pausing her meal to answer the call, she had the phone in her left hand and her head (which reminds me of a mop) cocked towards her electronic servant's demands. Her right hand was gingerly picking for granules of mince meat, shredded carrot and peas. For that 10 minutes she was on the phone, she looked like an total recall of how she might have been as a child, fussing over her meals and refusing to eat her greens. She must have read my inquisitive stare, because after hanging up the phone, a child-like whisper-of-a-giggle betrayed her.
==============================
I am amazed by the fluke that are my hands, and the lottery gold-fingers of my first creations. My first customised shirt was somewhat successful. Heck, with stencils and spray paint, it can't really go wrong. Perhaps a next step would be the addition of colours and materials.
I can't tell what spurred me to experiment with fashion -- was it the inspiration of a fellow artist, or the pressure of poorly managed finances, or simply the desperation of surprising the mellowed? Have you wondered what life would have been like for me without your presence, your careless playfulness, your reckless energy and your lady-like tantrums? It would have been simply functional, all but inspirational. You were the inspiration for many of my works. You still are. I can only hope that I have been a ripple in the vastness of your fluid life, in return for all that evolution you have started within me.
In my cubicle, I stare often at your ring on my finger, and appreciate soundlessly the familiar foreigness it provides. So much like us, this ring -- its shape, its make, its material... Before long, I am dozing in a daydream of memories or fantasy. What will I dream of today? Perhaps of you again.
I've really gotta get some rest... I'm tired in so many ways. Tired after trying to be strong for so long. Tired because you are tired. Tired because I can only do so much. Tired because tomorrow will come, and sometimes I don't look forward to it.
"Sleep is a good respite," you once said...
Sleep... with whom does peace rest tonight? With you and those who need it more, I pray. I can wait.
JKLM
She's been patient with me over the last few days at work. I know that she can be demanding, or quickly boiling with assertiveness when needed. She gets things done. She also surprised me at lunch today.
Just as she was starting on her plate of rice and vegetable, each neatly piled on one section of the plate, she received a phonecall. Pausing her meal to answer the call, she had the phone in her left hand and her head (which reminds me of a mop) cocked towards her electronic servant's demands. Her right hand was gingerly picking for granules of mince meat, shredded carrot and peas. For that 10 minutes she was on the phone, she looked like an total recall of how she might have been as a child, fussing over her meals and refusing to eat her greens. She must have read my inquisitive stare, because after hanging up the phone, a child-like whisper-of-a-giggle betrayed her.
==============================
I am amazed by the fluke that are my hands, and the lottery gold-fingers of my first creations. My first customised shirt was somewhat successful. Heck, with stencils and spray paint, it can't really go wrong. Perhaps a next step would be the addition of colours and materials.
I can't tell what spurred me to experiment with fashion -- was it the inspiration of a fellow artist, or the pressure of poorly managed finances, or simply the desperation of surprising the mellowed? Have you wondered what life would have been like for me without your presence, your careless playfulness, your reckless energy and your lady-like tantrums? It would have been simply functional, all but inspirational. You were the inspiration for many of my works. You still are. I can only hope that I have been a ripple in the vastness of your fluid life, in return for all that evolution you have started within me.
In my cubicle, I stare often at your ring on my finger, and appreciate soundlessly the familiar foreigness it provides. So much like us, this ring -- its shape, its make, its material... Before long, I am dozing in a daydream of memories or fantasy. What will I dream of today? Perhaps of you again.
I've really gotta get some rest... I'm tired in so many ways. Tired after trying to be strong for so long. Tired because you are tired. Tired because I can only do so much. Tired because tomorrow will come, and sometimes I don't look forward to it.
"Sleep is a good respite," you once said...
Sleep... with whom does peace rest tonight? With you and those who need it more, I pray. I can wait.
JKLM
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Irony Makes The World Go Round
"Passion make good servants and bad masters."
"Anger keeps dull men witty, but it keeps them poor."
"When you dont' have any money, the problem is food. When you have money, it's sex. When you have both, it's health. If everything is simply jake, you're frightened of death."
"Without passion, fairness and balance have a chance to prevail. Yet without passion, there would be little desire for fairness in the first place."
Why is the world wired this way? I don't know... because it has been working on far more occasions than it has failed. Because our simple minds have yet come to terms with the incredible dynamics of the life that we sought so eagerly to create, and yet are drowning in right now. Perhaps our brains would one day be able to figure things out, evolve and come up to the speed of our fickle desires. Why is it that we always want choices, but when given them, we'd frequently rather not choose? What's gonna irritate us even more is the unreliable nature of our memories -- we frequently remember only those bad times when we were faced with tricky cirucumstances or tough choices. There were tonnes of other simple decisions, but we just don't remember them, for some reason.
Ah well, faced with the inevitability of this life we're in, I guess we'll just have to play the cards we've been dealt, as best as we can... Up till the time we get to shuffle and deal, I guess, it's not really possible that we have our cake and eat it. Not physically, anyway.
JKLM
"Anger keeps dull men witty, but it keeps them poor."
"When you dont' have any money, the problem is food. When you have money, it's sex. When you have both, it's health. If everything is simply jake, you're frightened of death."
"Without passion, fairness and balance have a chance to prevail. Yet without passion, there would be little desire for fairness in the first place."
Why is the world wired this way? I don't know... because it has been working on far more occasions than it has failed. Because our simple minds have yet come to terms with the incredible dynamics of the life that we sought so eagerly to create, and yet are drowning in right now. Perhaps our brains would one day be able to figure things out, evolve and come up to the speed of our fickle desires. Why is it that we always want choices, but when given them, we'd frequently rather not choose? What's gonna irritate us even more is the unreliable nature of our memories -- we frequently remember only those bad times when we were faced with tricky cirucumstances or tough choices. There were tonnes of other simple decisions, but we just don't remember them, for some reason.
Ah well, faced with the inevitability of this life we're in, I guess we'll just have to play the cards we've been dealt, as best as we can... Up till the time we get to shuffle and deal, I guess, it's not really possible that we have our cake and eat it. Not physically, anyway.
JKLM
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
The Science Behind Murphy's Law
That's my new muse -- another book. This time, it's about the quirkiness of life. You know, situations like when your nose starts to itch after your hands are tied. Or why a watched pot never boils. In a way, you could see it as someone's attempt at demystifying all those old wives' tales and cliches that people throw around effortlessly about the way things can turn out in life.
As with all books and (intelligent) fine products of the print industry, these humourous explanations got me thinking. There seems to be a logical explanation for just about everything that happens. Talk about thinking too much... This book just puts an interesting spin on just about everything that pertains to our perceptions -- it seems like our minds are the cause of all this inconvenience in our lives.
Bad timing, things happening too quickly or slowly, making the same mistakes again and again, bad luck... everything can be traced back to the brain in some way. From the sound of it, social life seems to have developed at such a neck-breaking pace over the last millenia that our evolved brain is having trouble keeping up. Our ancestorial reflexes and mental process 'loops' are still prepared for a life of jungle life and wandering in loin cloth.
Still, there's plenty in this book that could pass as being entertaining. Heck, I'm actually thankful that our brains aren't developed to such capacity that we couldn't be surprised by these things anymore. Life would indeed be very boring after that, and the concept of surprise may well just disappear. You could then say that we know that some things are beautiful simply because there are so many other imperfections around.
Some little notes that I've picked up after the first two chapters:
As with all books and (intelligent) fine products of the print industry, these humourous explanations got me thinking. There seems to be a logical explanation for just about everything that happens. Talk about thinking too much... This book just puts an interesting spin on just about everything that pertains to our perceptions -- it seems like our minds are the cause of all this inconvenience in our lives.
Bad timing, things happening too quickly or slowly, making the same mistakes again and again, bad luck... everything can be traced back to the brain in some way. From the sound of it, social life seems to have developed at such a neck-breaking pace over the last millenia that our evolved brain is having trouble keeping up. Our ancestorial reflexes and mental process 'loops' are still prepared for a life of jungle life and wandering in loin cloth.
Still, there's plenty in this book that could pass as being entertaining. Heck, I'm actually thankful that our brains aren't developed to such capacity that we couldn't be surprised by these things anymore. Life would indeed be very boring after that, and the concept of surprise may well just disappear. You could then say that we know that some things are beautiful simply because there are so many other imperfections around.
Some little notes that I've picked up after the first two chapters:
- What we see depends on our expectation, and expectations are depended on memory. We see to a degree what we want to. (With respects to optical illusions, but applicable to many other areas too)
- Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. (With respects to our enduring memory of bad versus good experiences and how they are formed. Ah, ignorance is indeed bliss)
- Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blow out the candle and fans the bonfire. (With respects to the imperfect recall ability of the average brain, and how memories tend to be exaggerated over time)
On a separate note, I guess I've lightened up on my mood about where and how we are. It's sufficient to say that we are both important to one another, though perhaps to varying degrees. Attachment (or if you prefer possession), as with showing appreciation, is a one of the many paradoxes that we have to learn to handle -- too much or too little of either ain't good. We both deserve to be happy. Meeting in the middle can indeed be tricky sometimes, especially since we don't already start on the same platform.
I've become clear of the ghosts that haunt me (then and still now, occasionally); the exact things that caused me such pain on that faithful night. It was an unfortunate buildup, really, how all the frustrations rolled up into a giant bundle and exploded in my face in spite of the good intentions. I was just looking for some reassurance, while you were looking for some release. What seemed so wrong then was perhaps just a reckless placement of priorities coupled with bad timing.
As we have said before -- let's just put these things behind us and move on (refer to Quote 2, haha). But please, don't do that again; not because you can't have fun, but because it scares everyone who cares about you. Though we didn't celebrate on that night as I hoped, I guess we could always wait... Besides, it's always a celebration when we're out enjoying ourselves.
Looking forward to the next time.
JKLM
Monday, September 04, 2006
If my day were a TV commercial, it'd probably look something like this:
====================================
Entry Scene: The Bedroom
(that's me) Mornin'!
"mmm... mornin'"
Scene 1: The Food Place
".... (about this week's schedule)"
Cool... looking forward to it.
"Great, let's do lunch. I think we still have time."
Erm... why don't you pick something for me?
"Orange-mango, please."
Good choice!
Scene 2: Back Home
"... (about a change in the schedule"
... *runs screaming away like a spoilt brat*
"..."
Scene 3: Along The Road
Shall we take the long or short way?
"Let's take this run all the way."
"Wanna see Scruffy?"
Scene 4: Back Home
(Feeling fed up)
"Sigh..."
(Throws huge emotional tantrum) *Dude! Relax, will you*
"..."
Closing Scene: The Front Door
Don't worry about Wednesday and Thursday. It'll be alright.
"Yeah, I just don't like staying out too late, cos it makes me tired."
Yeah, you have a good session today. Watch those bruises!
"Sure thing. See you later."
Captions:
Gosh, i'm so sorry you had to go through all that, baby. What is wrong with me !? Why do you put up with me !? Haha... It's little wonder that I love you.
============================================
JKLM
====================================
Entry Scene: The Bedroom
(that's me) Mornin'!
"mmm... mornin'"
Scene 1: The Food Place
".... (about this week's schedule)"
Cool... looking forward to it.
"Great, let's do lunch. I think we still have time."
Erm... why don't you pick something for me?
"Orange-mango, please."
Good choice!
Scene 2: Back Home
"... (about a change in the schedule"
... *runs screaming away like a spoilt brat*
"..."
Scene 3: Along The Road
Shall we take the long or short way?
"Let's take this run all the way."
"Wanna see Scruffy?"
Scene 4: Back Home
(Feeling fed up)
"Sigh..."
(Throws huge emotional tantrum) *Dude! Relax, will you*
"..."
Closing Scene: The Front Door
Don't worry about Wednesday and Thursday. It'll be alright.
"Yeah, I just don't like staying out too late, cos it makes me tired."
Yeah, you have a good session today. Watch those bruises!
"Sure thing. See you later."
Captions:
Gosh, i'm so sorry you had to go through all that, baby. What is wrong with me !? Why do you put up with me !? Haha... It's little wonder that I love you.
============================================
JKLM
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Old Habits Die Hard
Bar None. Home to yappie runaways and the best live band I've had the pleasure of enjoying in years -- Jive Talkin'. Just last night, I had the company of two intoxicating ladies, two charming drinks and a throng of people who danced like they really needed it. Plenty of action, plenty of fun, plenty of dance; all impromptu, of course. What started out as a cuppa coffee at about 11pm quickly progressed (in unison) to a "now I feel like dancing" confession. Best snap decision yet, from 3 young people with some time on our hands.
I could have sworn that I looked positively juvenille next to these two fine products of the corperate world -- cut in black, sharp as the night. Still, once the electric beats plundered the dance floor after the band's first set, my feet were alive. Two drinks and two frustrating days later, the devil had a new place to play.
I was told that women like men who could dance. And then I was told that I was gorgeous. Where'd I learn to move like that? Nowhere, really. Because it's the sensual people around me that guide my feet.
Amusing flattery. The rapture of this nocturnal escape is undeniable. I'm addicted to moving, and the company just makes the deal sweeter. Flirting in the dark, dreaming under the strobe light, it's easy to see why and how we could just surrender ourselves to our next desire. I was the dreamer once again, dancing along a river of spirits and pleasure.
No matter how close I get, it's never close enough. No matter how much my hands roam, I still wish they were exploring you instead. No matter how large the crowd, I'm still on my island of ecstasy. When I feel hot, I begin to wish that I could just tear into the dank air unihibited, and be drenched in your rapture. My tormented hands still crave for the creative destruction that we shared. No matter how my feet flash and flutter under my body, I was still unsatisfied.
Perfection comes only in temporary flashes. It's here, now and it's gone. Everybody wants it, but no one is prepared to be it. Nobody really wants to dance with someone who can dance -- there's just not enough room. They're just moving between hugs, flirty dirty dances and clumsy complements. And by the end of the night, maybe you'll find your release -- whether it is in the bosom of a stranger who buys you drinks, the pulsing hips of another who passes you just in time, or in a new friend who could be your next meal.
Still, I always wish that it was you there. No one else would do. But you were in another's arms, for now.
===============================
I'm sure the dance would feel completely different on the vineyard.
What am I looking for? For hope and a sign that true love does exist, no matter how disguised it appears, and how tough life is.
Life has been an abusive bitch to you. I wish that you never had to pay for these debts, or that we could help you out in more ways than we already are now.
JKLM
I could have sworn that I looked positively juvenille next to these two fine products of the corperate world -- cut in black, sharp as the night. Still, once the electric beats plundered the dance floor after the band's first set, my feet were alive. Two drinks and two frustrating days later, the devil had a new place to play.
I was told that women like men who could dance. And then I was told that I was gorgeous. Where'd I learn to move like that? Nowhere, really. Because it's the sensual people around me that guide my feet.
Amusing flattery. The rapture of this nocturnal escape is undeniable. I'm addicted to moving, and the company just makes the deal sweeter. Flirting in the dark, dreaming under the strobe light, it's easy to see why and how we could just surrender ourselves to our next desire. I was the dreamer once again, dancing along a river of spirits and pleasure.
No matter how close I get, it's never close enough. No matter how much my hands roam, I still wish they were exploring you instead. No matter how large the crowd, I'm still on my island of ecstasy. When I feel hot, I begin to wish that I could just tear into the dank air unihibited, and be drenched in your rapture. My tormented hands still crave for the creative destruction that we shared. No matter how my feet flash and flutter under my body, I was still unsatisfied.
Perfection comes only in temporary flashes. It's here, now and it's gone. Everybody wants it, but no one is prepared to be it. Nobody really wants to dance with someone who can dance -- there's just not enough room. They're just moving between hugs, flirty dirty dances and clumsy complements. And by the end of the night, maybe you'll find your release -- whether it is in the bosom of a stranger who buys you drinks, the pulsing hips of another who passes you just in time, or in a new friend who could be your next meal.
Still, I always wish that it was you there. No one else would do. But you were in another's arms, for now.
===============================
I'm sure the dance would feel completely different on the vineyard.
What am I looking for? For hope and a sign that true love does exist, no matter how disguised it appears, and how tough life is.
Life has been an abusive bitch to you. I wish that you never had to pay for these debts, or that we could help you out in more ways than we already are now.
JKLM
Friday, September 01, 2006
Play It Like You Mean It
Glistening and thick
A beast so sleek
Purrs unabashed
But eyes me in a dare
Stroke me
Scratch me
Make me screech
It's all for you cos you want it
Slam me
Tickle me
Make me sing
With your fingers, my king
Weighted and smooth
She croons my groove
At once my dark secrets
Begin bleeding out my fingertips
She feels harmless
She accepts my carrasses
Urging me to squeeze tight
Willing my hand to bight
For thirty savage seconds
We were one
Burning like a sun
In our own consmic legend
My fingers melted
Her resistance yielded
In a swirling mercury pool
We embraced like fools
In parting, I promise
I would not miss
My next chance
For our next dance
For her electric sting
Her whine, her ring.
JKLM
A beast so sleek
Purrs unabashed
But eyes me in a dare
Stroke me
Scratch me
Make me screech
It's all for you cos you want it
Slam me
Tickle me
Make me sing
With your fingers, my king
Weighted and smooth
She croons my groove
At once my dark secrets
Begin bleeding out my fingertips
She feels harmless
She accepts my carrasses
Urging me to squeeze tight
Willing my hand to bight
For thirty savage seconds
We were one
Burning like a sun
In our own consmic legend
My fingers melted
Her resistance yielded
In a swirling mercury pool
We embraced like fools
In parting, I promise
I would not miss
My next chance
For our next dance
For her electric sting
Her whine, her ring.
JKLM
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