Disarray

Getting started in school can be quite a challenge; getting started in the rest of your life is much tougher. There's something about getting by with little sleep and being driven on by unfinished tasks that easily makes one feel quite alive. But this would not be a purposeful life, nor would it be a life in vain. It's simply... well, temporarily overloaded. Some people thrive under such conditions, while others prefer not to. I guess I'm one of those guys in between.

After staying out till 3am for another rehearsal, I was reluctant to head home. The unpacking would be an ordeal, that's not to say anything about the cab fare home in the first place. I wondered if there would ever be a time when our producers could actually stick to the timeline they suggested. Just a full run, and then it's home for the whole lot of us, he said. I was only half-listening.

So this is the entertainment business. Late nights, short intense bursts of activities, flaring tempers, dynamic performances, individual pressure, team work, food, drinks, mahjong.... Fancy a career and a life like this. I sought to be wise, regardless of the path my search would lead me. Now I'm not so sure. But oh, the excitement of finally having an opportunity like this to explore your creative ego and rouse the slumbering madman within. Perhaps...

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Got humbled again this weekend, and for a damned good reason too. Just not enough power, dammit. The competition was a different game for me this time around. My attempts were more calm and approach was more jovial, but I always fell short. It could be another few more years of training and consistently harder climbs before I could ever hope to be fighting against these giants I now walk with. I wonder if I'll still be climbing by then.

Climbing has made me strong, in many ways. Climbing has made me beautiful, just the same. Climbing has set me free, in ways unlike other sports. Why do I climb? I climb to be wise, and I live to learn. My origin and destination may well be one and the same, but I am nonethewiser for now. So for now, I'll just climb and keep on living.


JKLM