Thursday, November 09, 2006

Thread

I'm disoriented, and hanging in the balance again. The familiar invisible thread holding my sanity and capabilities in the balance. My entire being seemed to be compressed into a haphazard package, bulging through gaps and spilling through nearly-torn seams. All this, from work alone.

So many times this week, I thought that I might have erupted; or melted down in an slow sickly manner, oozing into a fetal puddle on my carpetted hell not daring to move, because it would neither change anything nor make things any better. How and when did it get so difficult? Why didn't I see it coming? Damn...

These days, I don't even have time to fulfill my proper scope of work. Not that I haven't been working hard, my problem lay in the fact that I was not working smart, as always, ending up as the general office lollipop -- the official sucker. Too compassionate to say no, yet too meek to insist on being unreasonable, the frustration was inevitable. I failed to read between the lines because I had assumed that whatever damages would have been easily contained. And now, I'm stuck hanging on a thread again, struggling with problems that are not entirely mine.

I guess it's better than hanging because of problems that ARE mine. But that time will come sooner than I think, if I carry on like this. Gotta get back in focus, get back of track. Get back to some engaging fun -- get back to me. Recover the parts that this overloaded sum is made up of.

And stop all this nonsense that still hijacks my quiet in-between times -- a silent creeping poisoning of the raw spots, made all the more perversed with its personal feel. The wounds are still open, the nerves are still raw. And I'm too tired to fend them off constantly.

Not now, not now, please... At least you're BOTH still happy.

My turn now. With or without you.

====================================

Oh hazel eye in the lazy sky
Where do you roam
Why do you cry
Oh please don't cry

Ignore my questions
Ignore my whys
Remember your fashion
Remember your sky

Oh hazel eye in the lazy sky
As you quietly trail
Along your binding line
T'is slow, but you still fly



JKLM

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