Hollow Victories

Sometimes victories can be hollow. In spite of hopes that certain thoughts would not materialise, and that certain people's habits won't show, they still do. It's a hollow victory simply because nobody benefits from that correct guess. It's also hollow because it empties me out when I have to mask my annoyance and PR my way through the day's efforts.

Alright, to be fair, it has been a tough day for everyone. And while I had not expected them to be extremely enthusiastic and productive still by the time they had reached their second job site, I certianly had hoped that they wouldn't just sit around and be passive about things.

A few thoughts crossed my mind even before their return. Firstly, there was not informing anyone of the other committment they had on during the earlier part of the day. I guessed as much that their assumption was that someone would inform the others about it. Fine. My next thought was one on fairness / equity: where is your priority? Given that you guys were pretty stubborn about having the dates fixed in their current arrangement, I guess that it was just an unfortunate accident that these two events had to clash. Fine. Perhaps there was an emergency of some sort. Perhaps it was on short notice. Whatever.

Secondly, while I had blamed myself for being overly judgemental when my unoccupied mind drifted through the above thoughts before their arrival, I had a sneeking suspicion that it was going to come true. I didn't really want it to come true, though I knew that there was nothing I could do to prevent it or avoid it in the opposite case. Still, I had expected it to be different, given their earlier stance and sentiments.

So I was right. She was disappointing as usual -- more talk than action, more passive action than active interest. I don't want to judge or blame her because I don't think I have the right to. Thus, the hollow victory.

I just don't fully understand why he is spending time on her. Until the time I feel that my feelings are no longer biased and I am able to approach this topic rationally once again, I shall reserve my opinions. But frankly, it doesn't take too much to impress me.

So there.


JKLM