Sliding

I've been sliding off the communications grid for some good reasons.

1) Work is a relentless tide of deadlines, responsiblities and ideas. Especially so when my manager is all about the job, the perfect role model -- efficient, smart and without an extremely diversed social life.

I'm just the new maverick in the deck. "You do too much. You're still new, that's why you try to do everything; I was once like that," I was told. I don't believe in that bullsit. For someone like me, it takes a fair bit to make me regret my decisions -- I'm way too romantic for that.

I love my job, though. Can't say the same for some of the colleagues, but I guess you'll get used to their habits after a while.

2) I've been racing. Adventure races are my new muse. There's just something about having the official excuse to monkey about on a forest trail, tearing through gravel patches on a bicycle and commanding your gear to help you achieve a common objective that makes me so happy.

Yes, I don't mind getting dirty too. It's just a part of the journey, and an essential part of a racer's ultimate image.

3) Observing things and people. Oh, the sweet tireless roaming and romantic eye -- it never sleeps.

I still love to look at people and watch the world around me. With a fair amount of certainty, I dare say that "everything" is getting prettier by the days. The evolution of packaging, promotions and presentation have surpassed my previously cynical curiosity of the flesh and material. If I weren't so shy, I'm sure I'd now be a bit of a shark in these shirts I wear.

Needless to say, I have at times wondered if I'm one of the several unfortunate drop-outs from evolution. Every cycle needs them -- every wave of popular culture needs people to push aside.

Then again, with a tan that makes me look like I've been holidaying in the bahamas could also mean that I've just stepped out onto an alternate image path. Ah, but for something classy...

4) I'm about to embark on a very big personal project. A cross between publicity efforts for sports and sports journalism, I'm championing a campaign to develop my school's sports identity. I've got a plan; now let's see if I've got the brains to make it happen.

My blog will change in its format too, to suit this new direction. You, my reader, will get a first-hand experience of what it is that I'm working on. Soon.

5) I'm still searching for answers. I really ought to stop, but it's like asking me not to think about you.

I typically start off wondering about how you're doing, and then I remember things I really ought to forget. And just as suddenly, stop myself with just a simple answer: it doesn't matter now -- you're happier.

Between the gaps in deadlines and personal spaces, I don't always mope about these hopeless pursuits. I'm, shall we say, colder now; shutting down and shutting out anything that seems to stem from inside.

Oh, it would be easy to avoid feeling; not stop altogether, for that would be improbable and unproductive. Perhaps with time I will really become the Leo I truely am -- hearless killer when I want, a family animal when I am needed. We'll see.

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Merry Christmas, everyone.



JKLM