Fire

A fire.

It is within me.

I want to let it burn bright. 

I want to be seen in it.

I want to share it. 

I want to pass it on

Because this heat, on its own

Would be too much.

Because this heat, in my hands

Do not feel like warmth.

If I could create after I destroy

I can do right by it. 

I want to do right.

To do right by this gift.

This gift of fire.

That is within me.

My fire.

Her-t

I wanted to hurt you
Just to know that we mattered
That I mattered
That we were worth something
Though you were always worth more
More than you were
More than I should
More than we knew how to deal

I wanted to hurt you
Because it would hurt me too
And I'd have something
To be sorry about
Even if it was my fault
Especially if it was my fault
And you were right
And so was I, just differently

I wanted to hurt you
And I did - I left, I closed
The only windows I opened
For you, for me
For what I hoped we could be
For who I wanted you to be
So plainly, so simply,  yet unfairly
I played my part, and paid my part

I wanted to hurt you
Not anymore, not now

Not when you're far away

And I'm on this one-way street

Mending a way by each streetlight

Slowly no longer mad, and desperate

Your ghosts have no more echoes 

And mine no longer alone in the shadows

Masks (Haiku)

Put on masks that smile

Lament the lover we chose

Scared to be alone

Made up minds to try

Struggle against tides inside

Unsure, unfair - life

Take off masks that cry

Let the sun and wind creep in

Forget, for a while

Disclosure (Goodbye, My Love)

This is it
A destination
Not one I wanted
But one we deserved

One of many
That could be worse
Or could have been
But life, forced into reverse

I've held back
Not for fear
But in consideration
For both our realities

Yes, you're right
I've not been open
No comedic relief
In the drought of our hardships

My romances
Misunderstood
Rolling off these stone walls
An accident we couldn't avoid

Your mystery
I could not unravel
From perfection, so quickly
A vintage spoilt, rotten

I've made mistakes
Clearly, been unable too
Get what was not given
To see what was well hidden

The final judgement
Served clean and cold
There will be no more chapters
No verbatim; a termination

Turned away
It was complicated, compounded
Who was this for
It was for you; it was for me

Accepting the faults
Perhaps we both did, blinded
By love, but for whom
It was for you; it was for me

Dear Climbing

Dear Climbing,

From the moment
I pulled on my first pair of hand-me-downs
And winced at the tightness
Clambering awkwardly upward
Then along the walls
I knew one thing was rea:

I fell in love with you

So deep this connection was, that you've changed everything
From my body, my mind
To my life and soul

It was back in '04
When I first laid my hands on you
I was fresh out of the service
Keen as punch
Ready for a new life

You took me in
You showed me how uneducated
My mind and body were apart
You showed me what I could do
If I only learnt your ways
And learnt to be as one

Since then I've climbed through sweat and hurt
Not because you were unkind
But because I was impatient
You showed me how to be more
I wanted to be more
The world was filled with magic again
Because you've given me wings

You ended a young man's search for meaning
And I will always love you for it
I know that even if I can't go on forever
I will still dedicate my every movement
Each hold I touch
Each foot I grind
It will be my longest kiss goodbye

If I should go, or find that I can't go on
That's ok - I'm ready to let you go
Because love doesn't keep score
And neither did you
You've been the fairest and the kindest
I've given you my all
We both have

We both know, no matter what comes next
I will always be that young man
With the crooked finger
And a pair of hand-me-downs
Chalk scrubbed across my hands
Waiting, wanting
To jump on your walls

Love you always,
Madpoet

Less, Eventually

This labour
Of love
Thus, is Life
This little, big deal

These sands
Endless
Shifting, consuming
My fragmented hearts

Those words
Carefree
My ears
Numb, weighted, old

This love
I will labour
Through this life
Every little big deal

Cheated

All this stolen
Time
In these recycled
Ways

All my tired
Reasons
Against your steeped banks
Crash

All they are, just
Echoes
All along History's
Fault

Lines, they rattle
Waiting
Until they are finally felt
Exhausted

Whatever the ways
Circular
Blinded doom or eventual
Realisation

Learning To Mew

I am a seeker
Restless; relentless
For the Earth, the stars
To begin to become endless

But pay with bruised soul
Twisted tongues whole
Learning love's wicked riddles
Buying everything it sold

Alas, we cannot but stumble
Gracefully, scar by scar
Signs and languages bleeding into blue
The deepest mystery by far

I am a seeker
From the Earth to the stars
Wandering, wondering
Eventually to where you are

Shades of Summer

Sea
Turquoise and blue
These shades of summer
Of you
Brilliant, endless
Full

Sky
The final line
Your quiet decision
Tears
Open, truthful
Still

Sun
Our loyal fool
Constant, relentless
Distant
Yet close enough
Burn

14 to 15

A toast
To hope, progress and love
A promise
To seek and rise above
 
A time
Of renaissance and rapture
A night
To breathe the adventure

A chance
To spill and take in words
A start
Journey North, onwards and upwards

Lines

Lines, lovely lines
An effortless dance of vanity
Between and across
Blank pages of my sanity

Lines, lonely lines
You knew the paths to my mind
My soul of scribbled letters
Born, worn, jumbled by the grind

I remember those lines
I remember that script
The acute twists and curves
The strokes that were your streets

All roads and all the lines
From the word mill did spill forth
A metronome in disarray
Yet always pointed North

Without the warmth of signs
Each rhyme and crossroad lay
Yet you knew which way to turn
As the instruments work and play

Lines, lovely lines
How they dance on endlessly
Ageless, formless, mystery
Upon the chapters of my sanity 

Postcards from Paradise

Cards
Your cards
They are on my table

Postcards
From paradise
My reason to go postal

Your art
You're art
Framing my walls

Bare-boned
Gasping heart
I'm still ready to fall

Contradictions

Imperfect
As they are
So am I, even if I don't think so

Judgement
So quick, so sharp
Alas is a blade with two points

Differences
We're all equal
But I won't accept, what I don't want

Expectations
Poisoned reality
The unavoidable, inevitable letdown

Humanity
We are lifted, raised up
Yet burdened in every way by this gift

Hope

We need, yearn and know it

Yet struggle to hear and decipher its languages

Our future

Self-fulfilling prophecies
I guess we may never learn

Finally

Finally when we have nothing
Nothing to hold
Nothing to keep
Nothing more than humanity

We will lie, a twisted heap
Of paradoxes
Contradictions
Held together with broken seams

We will call out our questions
In hope and in vain
With peace and rage
For answers, no, justifications

We will look upwards, for the divine
And inwards for the replies
And outward for the signs
The missing pieces to our perfect design

We will surrender, eventually
After the anguish
After the denial
When stillness comes to claim humanity

We finally listen, quietly
Calm but open
Exposed but unafraid
A wilderness, still but free

Finally, when we have nothing
We will find soul
We will find our voice
A gift of courage back at the beginning

Seize

Clutch
With your hands
Or fingers hungry
With restlessness

Grab
With your stares
Out from this world
Into the palm of your hands

Clamour
On the churning wheels
An indefinite struggle
To fill the void

Reach
So desperately
Yet quietly, obviously
For what you can't touch

Hold
On stubborn hope
A misled martyr
A scapegoat for ego

Feel
Slowly ever further
Surely ever doubtful
Living the modern myth

Carry
All you cannot hold
Cannot let go of
With hands we do not have

Cast
Judging glimpses
The best you can afford
To check on reality, and our space

Pull
All that you want
In hope and in vain
So full, yet still so hungry

Push
All that you dislike
Every grain, every speck
And maybe perfect will be found

Drop
How we have fallen
Living world, dying people
And we don't know which way is up

Looking, Just Looking

Have you looked at someone
Longer than you thought
Longer than you should

Wondered between breaths
About who they were
About how they felt

Considered how everything
Could change if you shared their day
Coule be over if they spent the night

Flinched at the thought
Of getting to know them
Of getting to know yourself (again)

Struggled to stop the rush
Not just about clumsy lust
Not yet about a fickle love

Guiltily, greedily fantasised
About how they moved
About how they might kiss

Have you looked at someone
Longer than you thought
Lonver than you should

Only to think about yourself
About what you want
About what you deserved

About what you didn't deserve
About why you didn't
About why you should stop

And in the end find yourself hateful
Of this ride you've got on
Of this stranger you couldn't ignore

So entrapped by the mysteries
That spun deeper with each blink
That happened even if you were guarded

Have you looked at someone
To find them looking back
To find you looking away

Wishing that you didn't
Wishing that they didn't
Knowing that you'd do it again

Lines

Lines - thin or thick
Shapes and their shades
Subtle or bold
Shatter our inheritance
The past and its truths
A hand-me-down, received
Understood but not simply
Passed on, just because

We make what we take
Our own, truly our own
When and only when
We own what we receive

And we give what we make
To another set of hands
Shapes, lines and shades
That will strum these strings

To a tune they like
That we have one day love
Or at least understand
That we are all just lines

Untitled

Look at all this space
Look at all these wishes
Look with more than just your eyes
You could almost feel the kisses

Kisses I blew out, waiting
Drifting with hope held lifted
A fool and his youthful heart song
Never complete, never wasted

Look at all this space
Look at all this yearning
Look at these jobless hands
Busy with the life and a living

Busy collecting scars and stories
For a day when the old soul hungers
As the clocks slow their counting
As wedding bands lose their lustre

The Little Heart

I held a little heart
In my hand today
I held it in my palm
My fingers a cage

I felt the little heart
Pulse with much  to say
Though only a whisper
A sincere message

"Is it in my nature
Or by your care
That I should bleed
Just as I will beat

Could I be your guide
In both truth and lies
Yet I am oftten blind
At least as you believe

Do I hold all keys
To what is unseen
Yet not unnoticed
Once it is in my light

Is it I who complicate
Or too simple for you
Your justice too quick
Too swift, too right

Am I your enemy
When love becomes hard
Am I your friend
When a heart becomes love

I am just a little heart
Placed in your hand
Behold all I am
It is you that I serve"

I held you heart
In my hand today
I felt it, it trembled
A language I am learning

I held your hand
In my heart today
I felt it, I was thankful
A choice, a shared meaning

Spot

I am here

I am standing

Watching, a half-smile

You too are here

Here for now

A painting

Hanging patient

Like my heart waiting

For your presence

Home again

And in here

It remains quiet

Still, vacant, wanting

Heartbeats ringing

Ode to you